Steve Braunias: Secret diary of Xmas carols

From left, Simon Bridges, David Seymour, Shane Jones, Jami-Lee Ross and Donald Trump.

COMMENT:

Simon Bridges

Good King Wenceslas looked out

On the fate of Simon

When his troops lay round about

Dense and thick like Simeon.

Brightly shone the road to Hell

Problem after problem

May as well throw in the towel

And surrender the job to Collins.

Iain Lees-Galloway

Dashing through the work

In two hours at the most

Being nice to Czechs

They all sound beyond reproach.

There's one called Karel Sroubek

He got done for drug smuggling

But let's get off his back

Give him Kiwi residency

And great big nice huggings.

O! Galloway-Smith!

Galloway-Smith!

Galloway-Smith's asleep.

Shh.

David Seymour

Away in a daydream

As quiet as a mouse Little Davey Seymour

Parks his bum in the House.

He's the leader of Act

He draws a good pay

But he's no use to the Nats

And is a giant waste of space.

The people of Epsom

They voted him in

Now they sulk in their castles

And guzzle their gin.

Shane Jones

Deck the halls with acts of folly

Fa la la la la la la la la! I am Jones and I am jolly

Fa la la la la la la la la! I'll waste money on a million pine seedlings

Fa la la la la la la la la! Who cares? There's a trough; excuse me, I'm feeding.

Fa la la la la la la la la!

Jami-Lee Ross

You better watch out. You better sit back.

Better get a view I'm tellin' you a fact -

Jami-Lee is gonna return.

Donald Trump

I wish you a Beautiful Christmas. I don't wish you a Fake News Christmas. CNN and the failing New York Times don't even believe in

Christmas. Or a Happy New Year.

The country is doing great,

We're having a ball.

The economy's never been better,

I'll get around to that wall.

And just when you think you've seen enough

I gave you Judge Kavanaugh.

You all hope impeachment's coming

You all hope impeachment's coming

You all hope impeachment's coming

But I'm staying right here. I also wish Chairman Kim a Merry Christmas We have a very good relationship.

He likes me. I like him. We get along.

He wrote me two of the most beautiful letters.

And I think we're going to make a deal.

But if not, we will have no choice but to totally destroy North Korea.

Okay? Happy New Year.

Baby Neve

O come let us adore Neve O come let us adore Neve O come let us adore Neve And all babies and little kids. It's Christmas.