Steve Braunias: Secret Diary of Winston Peters

MONDAY

I called into a Chinese takeaway this evening, and said to the surly Asiatic behind the counter, "How long have you been here?"

He said, "Since this morning."

I said, "Oh, I see. Fresh off the boat. Made your way through Customs, and then straight here, to walk into a job that 91,000 young unemployed New Zealanders would fight tooth and nail to have. I've met their grandparents. Do you know what one of them said to me this morning? He said, 'Winston, have you seen my false teeth?'

"I had to tell him that I'd love to stop and cater to his every whim but I had my hands full halting the tidal wave of migrants.

"He said to me, 'I feel the cold hand of death on my shoulder, or maybe I've just got a chill.'

"And I said, 'We have to establish a beachhead. We have to draw a line in the sand.'

"And he said, 'That sounds like fun! Do you have a bucket and spade?'

"Now that just goes to show you the indomitable spirit of our senior citizens. They fought for their country and tomorrow we shall remember the fallen. But today belongs to the migrant. People like you. No offence, but the parasite has taken over the host.

"I will continue to speak out against it. Evil cannot remain unchecked. Out, I say! I cast you out! Unclean spirit!"

I suddenly felt very tired, and leaned against the counter.

The migrant said, "Two fish and a scoop of chips?"

These foreign devils. They can read your mind.

TUESDAY

We shall remember them for fighting the yellow peril, and I'm pretty sure there was a war against India at some point, too.

WEDNESDAY

Ridiculous report by two immigrant journalists called Tan and Singh in the New Zealand Herald claiming to purport that China and India do not feature among the top five countries that provide migrant workers in New Zealand. Stuff and nonsense, or Tan and Singh, which is the same thing.

Take away the scaffolding of their data and their rigorous fact-based research, and you're left with propaganda as disturbing as anything created by Rudolf Hess.

Just look at their names. It's not rocket science to figure out where they're coming from. They're coming from that worst place in the world - other countries.

All you have to do is take a look around to know that their report is lies. Take a look around and what do you see? People called Tan, and people called Singh.

There are a lot of honest, hard-working New Zealanders out there who are trying to whip up a race-based frenzy, but this report does nothing to help.

THURSDAY

There's been a predictable fall-out from my challenge of the disreputable firm of Tan and Singh.

It's not as though I called for their immediate deportation, although that would free up jobs for 91,000 young unemployed New Zealanders.

Several media companies ran unfavourable stories, including Newshub. It's not hard to see why. One of the journalists of their reports is called Wong.

FRIDAY

I called into a Chinese takeaway this evening, and the surly Asiatic behind the counter said, "Before you ask, I've been at work since the morning. If you want to know how long I've been in New Zealand, my family came here for about 60 years ago."

I suddenly felt very tired, and sat down at the table they have for customers.

It's been a cold autumn. I wondered whether I'd caught a chill. I felt a hand on my shoulder.

A far-off voice said, "Here you go, gramps. Two fish and a scoop of chips. Your regular order."