Steve Braunias' Secret Diary of Auckland housing boom

As a candidate for the top job at the United Nations, it's my belief that everyone in the world deserves a safe harbour to rest. Photo / Steven McNicholl

JOHN KEY

As Prime Minister of New Zealand I don't really have anything to say about anything, but at the end of the day I don't think it's much of a problem that Auckland housing prices are now beyond first-home buyers because the majority of New Zealanders don't live in Auckland.

It's not something they talk about in Dunedin. They've got better things to talk about in Dunedin, which by the way is blessed with good schools, good roads, and good hospitals.

Also it's not that far from Auckland as Air New Zealand flies and perhaps first-home buyers might want to look at commuting.

It's amazing how much work you can get done on the phone of course so all that time sitting at airports could actually be used to your advantage. Certainly the refreshments at the Koru Lounge add to the experience. The joining fee is only $255 and the yearly charge is a mere $580.

I like sitting there and eating nuts.

Frustrated first-home buyers could get an even better deal if they went slightly further south. The average value of a house in New Zealand in March 2016 was $559,492. But it was only $217,740 in Invercargill.

Invercargill is also blessed with good schools, good roads, and good hospitals. But you can place too much of an importance on those kinds of services. You can get by without them.

That's why I think first-home buyers who are frozen out of the Auckland market might want to go a little further south than Invercargill, and experience life at Scott Base.

HELEN CLARK

As a candidate for the top job at the United Nations, it's my belief that everyone in the world deserves a safe harbour to rest.

The fact that Auckland housing prices are now beyond first-home buyers is part of a global problem which comes under the subject of settlement and resettlement.

I will see to it that something is done. I'd like to announce the first of many roundtable talks.

And I mean many.

Very, very many.

ANDREW McFADDEN

As head coach of the Warriors, I feel the pain of first-home buyers frozen out of the property market in Auckland because I know what it's like to have your dreams shaken like a rug and beaten against a wall, over and over and over.

But you have to look on the bright side. It's my conviction that the boys came close to a good result last weekend when we were crushed 42-0.

We gave the Storm a lot to think about. We asked them a lot of questions. It's just that they were the wrong questions, such as, "Would you mind scoring tries at will, and making us look like a total shambles?"

Things could be different on Sunday when we play The Dragons at Mt Smart Stadium.

Things could conceivably be even worse.

MIKE HOSKING

As head of the Prime Minister's press office, I think it's exciting that first-home buyers are frozen out of the property market in Auckland.

I love every minute of it. There's money to be made out there and people are making it.

House prices are going up, and that can only spell one thing: wealth.

These are good times for New Zealand. These are good times for New Zealanders.

JK said to me the other day, "Do you really think so?"

We sat out by his pool and he ate nuts he took from the Koru Lounge.

And I said, "Mate," I said, "things have never been better. And listen. There are actually plenty of first-home buyers who can afford a house in Auckland. They just can't be bothered moving out of home."

He said, "There are? Who are they?"

And I said, "Mate," I said, "I love Max's new haircut."

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