Standing by your man

Lynne Worth is not the first woman to suffer the humiliation of a sex scandal allegedly involving her husband - but few have to endure the pity of a nation.

Despair and disbelief: that's what women are likely to feel after a partner's public fall from grace, said relationship expert Janice Davies.

"There's a grief cycle you go through with something like this, as much as with a death," Davies said.

Bill and Hillary Clinton, David and Victoria Beckham, Gordon and Tana Ramsay: the list of loyal wives who have stood by their well-known husbands - whether or not they had done anything wrong - is a glittering and familiar one.

Now National Party list MP Richard Worth has resigned all his ministerial portfolios, after Prime Minister John Key learned that police were investigating a criminal allegation laid by a Korean businesswoman from Auckland.

Lynne Worth has been a loyal National Party member for many decades and worked hard on election campaigns, delivering pamphlets and organising events for her husband, a party source said.

"While there's no sympathy for Richard, there is a lot of sympathy for Lynne," the person said.

A close friend said Lynne was quiet, accomplished, attractive, typically Remuera, "the perfect corporate hostess wife".

"She is of that generation where wives marry people like Richard and support him," the friend said.

"There is her husband going off and doing all these exciting things. How do you keep yourself exciting and interesting when you are at home doing all the mundane stuff, keeping the home fires burning?"

The friend said Richard, on the other hand, was very bright and competent but "a bit unusual".

"Richard has a naivety," she said. "I think the worst Richard has done is sleep with this Korean woman, but he probably hasn't even done that."

Davies said women must first choose whether to trust their partner, or believe the allegations. "As in this case, Mr Worth is saying he's innocent, so there's a choice by the other partner who to believe."

If she chooses to trust, then taking steps such as going on holiday, or finding ways to pamper herself can help with getting through the crisis.

If the woman accepts the allegations but chooses to stand by her man, Davies recommends seeing a relationship counsellor.

Lynne co-owns three properties with her husband; their home in Remuera, and two other properties in Rodney. They have an adult daughter, Virginia, who has made occasional appearances in the social pages - a 40 Below National Party function at a city hotel, in a bright-coloured summer frock at the polo.

Waikato University psychology lecturer Dr Cate Curtis said public allegations like these were very difficult for the families, especially the wife. She cited the Clintons, Beckhams and Ramsays as examples of high-profile women sticking by their husbands. "I don't know if it's that people in the public eye tend to stick together more, or whether we just pay more attention to them."

Often, she said, the partner doesn't believe the allegations. "We have a great capacity to minimise things and deny things that we don't want to know about.

She cited well-known New Zealand fashion personality Pieter Stewart, who backed her husband Peter despite his 2008 conviction for a historic rape. "She's chosen to stand by him and accept his denials," Curtis said.

Curtis said other family members, such as adult children, can react in a similar way.

"No one wants to believe their father or mother has done something terrible."