The Herald is running a week-long series on the smacking debate. On Saturday we looked at changing smacking habits, today we cover parents' stories. To tell us your stories, go to the Your Views discussion. Or you can follow the debate on our facebook page.
Early childhood care providers have noticed more parents asking for advice on disciplining children since the anti-smacking law made headlines.
Margie Blackwood, who runs Kids' Kampus in Mt Eden, said some parents have admitted they were struggling with disciplining their children because they used to smack them.
The centre has given parents support in adopting other approaches, but Mrs Blackwood said many could have benefited from being taught about other ways to discipline their children.
"Parents sometimes feel that they have had the approach of smacking removed, which they are okay about, but have not been given alternatives that are effective and, for the busy parent, efficient," she said.
Mrs Blackwood believed manipulative and negotiation approaches had replaced smacking for many. While some can increase communication and strengthen the relationship between parents and their children, she cautioned against some alternatives to smacking.
"Manipulation teaches children that using manipulation to get what you want works in life situations. I don't think that is a good outcome long term," she said.
"There are all sorts of parenting styles being used and sometimes when I look at the children, I don't know what's more damaging or beneficial."
Mrs Blackwood said the law on smacking and the referendum had prompted a lot more dialogue about what is appropriate discipline and has encouraged parents to think more reflectively and creatively about how they relate to their children.
"Many children can be parented without smacking but some are really challenging, which requires parents to be more resourceful in their management of undesirable behaviour.
"The aim is to internalise behaviour choices in the child and not have it enforced externally by the adult."
Jill Oliver, who runs Trinity Kindergarten, said that if her centre could control 70 children without smacking, parents should be able to as well.
Mrs Oliver said she parents should not use reward schemes for good behaviour either.
Good behaviour should be normal, and children should be expected to behave.
"If you keep changing the rules then a child is never going to understand. The rules in early childhood are always the same - otherwise it would be chaos," she said.
Jan Tauoma, from A'oga Fa'a Samoa early childhood centre in Ponsonby, a Samoan immersion centre, said that over the past year she had noticed parents had started asking about the strategies the staff use to discipline the children.
She has passed on advice about using positive reinforcement and lots of praise to encourage good behaviour.
She said children in her class who are still smacked were often more aggressive when things didn't go their way in the play-yard.
"They feel smacking is appropriate.
"Over 10 years ago, parents would say 'we don't mind if you smack my child' but not any more."
