Smack-free way to keep the kids out of trouble

By REBECCA WALSH

Calls to outlaw smacking children have been renewed after a speech by Governor-General Dame Silvia Cartwright, but what are the best alternatives for parents trying to deal with problem behaviour?

In a speech to a Save the Children conference last weekend, Dame Silvia said it was a crime to assault an animal or another adult, but under the law parents could still use "reasonable force" to punish their children.

She urged people to declare their homes "violence-free zones".

It is a stance that has the support of paediatricians, Plunket, the Children's Commissioner and child psychologists, who say parents can use a range of positive strategies to discipline their children.

What's the problem with smacking?

Opinion is divided on smacking children. Justice Minister Phil Goff has refused to repeal the act allowing it, citing a survey in which more than 75 per cent of parents wanted to retain the right to hit their children.

But Dr Russell Wills, former national paediatrician for the Plunket Society, says there is clear evidence from overseas that repealing similar legislation has led to a reduction in child abuse.

"Every day in our practice we see children who are physically abused under the guise of discipline ... The fact there is a law that says parents are allowed to, means some parents believe it's their right to beat their children, many out of anger or frustration."

Steven Hayns, a psychologist with the Triple P Positive Parenting Programme, believes it is important not to simplify the issue down to whether it is morally right or wrong to smack children.

"An important issue in this debate is the potential downside to smacking and the ineffectiveness of smacking when contrasted with the well-researched alternatives of quiet time and time out."

Children need boundaries and to experience the consequences of their behaviour, but Mr Hayns says smacking has a number of problems.

Children often learn to suppress errant behaviour around the person who is punishing them, but may continue it once the parent is out of sight - much like adults who slow near speed cameras but then speed again.

Smacking also tends to upset children, making it difficult for them to learn from the situation, and in many cases it generates more bad behaviour.

Children imitate adults, so those who have been smacked are more likely to go on to do it to others.

What are the alternatives?

Family therapists and psychologists say it is important to focus on positive discipline rather than punishment.

It is vital that children know the limits and boundaries, and that there will be consequences if they do not do as they are asked.

Quiet time, time out, reward systems and praise for good behaviour are among some of the commonly used options.

Mr Hayns encourages parents to use quiet time, backed up by time out when a child under 10 refuses to follow a reasonable request from a parent.

The child has to sit still and quietly for a 30-second period for each year of his age (up to a maximum of five minutes) in the same place the problem occurred.

If the child refuses, he is sent for time out in a boring area of the house, such as a hallway, and must stay there until he has been quiet for the required time.

Sending children to their bedroom, where there is likely to be a box full of toys and games, can serve as an accidental reward.

Mr Hayns says that within two to three weeks most parents notice their children become more compliant and that the effort involved in teaching such a routine has long-term benefits.

"Most parents find that their children learn to accept quiet time as a disciplinary consequence, and they need to back this up with time out increasingly less often.

"The beauty of quiet time over smacking is that it teaches children how to regulate their emotions."

An Australian study involving 800 parents taught to use a similar method of discipline found huge improvements in children's behaviour, a significant reduction in anxiety, depression and stress in mothers and improvements in marital satisfaction, Mr Hayns says.

Beth Wood, spokeswoman for the charitable trust Epoch (End Physical Punishment of Children), suggests a range of ideas and responses for adults which, if applied consistently, will encourage children to behave. These include:

* Give positive attention - rewarding children with praise and hugs for good behaviour is more effective than criticising and punishing them for things they do wrong.

* Ignore minor misbehaviour - intervene only if the behaviour is really bad or a child is in danger.

* Disapprove of the behaviour, not the child.

* Make sure children understand what good behaviour is.

* Give children choices within reason and explanations that are appropriate for their age - children can understand reasons from about age 3 or 4.

* Use mistakes as opportunities to show children how to get it right next time.

* Set up a reward chart, which acknowledges good behaviour. When the child gets a certain number of stars or points, give a small reward, such as an outing or a special dinner.

"When children do learn to behave, it has as much to do with the kind of environment they live in," Mrs Wood says.

"The more they are loved, protected and nurtured, the more easily this falls into place."

Angela Baldwin, Plunket's general manager of clinical services, says parents need to consider the age of their children and what is reasonable to expect of them. A tired, hungry 2-year-old is unlikely to obey a parent's instruction.

With older children parents are better able to talk through and negotiate situations.

* Help or advice on child behaviour can be obtained from organisations such as Plunket, Parents' Centres and Epoch and from psychologists and family therapists.