KEY POINTS:
Is Santa good or bad, Mummy?" Those are the words I heard a little boy of about 4 ask in a mall the other day after spying a red-robed Santa.
When I was little that question would have never occurred to me. Santa Claus (we called him by his British name of Father Christmas) was an indisputably benevolent, plump old fellow who somehow managed to shimmy down the skinniest of chimneys, guzzled the Christmas cake and sherry left on the hearth, filled our stockings with presents, then flew to the neighbour's house. What's not good about that?
Despite his portrayal as a bit of a buffoon, Santa has enjoyed a largely rosy image since the myth of the jolly bloke with his reindeer-drawn sleigh and sack of presents entered the cultural landscape in 17th century Britain (based on benevolent 4th-century bishop St Nicholas).
But a good rep is not so easy to come by for the 21st century Santa, who is often the butt of crude jokes and innuendo about blocked chimneys and naughty children.
No one is saying Santa should be quarantined from satire. But when are we crossing the line and damaging the childhood Christmas myth along with Santa's reputation?
A Canadian study comparing its findings with an 1896 survey shows the proportion of people who see Santa as a spiritual figure has dropped from 90 per cent to 40 per cent. "Today he's seen as more commercial," says researcher Carole Senechal.
You could blame the birth of Bad Santa on the 2003 film of the same name, in which a slimy con man poses as Santa to rob department stores on Christmas Eve.
Slammed by critics for trashing Santa's rep, it's not the only offender. You'll find "Seedy Santa" in the film Look Who's Talking Now; you can play a good or dodgy Santa on a kids' computer game; and let's hope kids looking for a North Pole address online don't come across the seriously-disturbing Santa website, www.lettersfrombadsanta.com, with pages like "Bad Santa's favourite evil toys".
During an Adelaide training course in November last year, Santa recruitment firm Westaff banned their wannabe old fellas from saying "ho ho ho" - an American slang term for a slut - because it could frighten children and be derogatory to women.
Even Santa's relationship with his reindeer is under attack.
A dark theatrical comedy called The Eight: Reindeer Monologues - a worldwide hit that finished up its mighty-fine Basement Theatre production in Auckland on Friday - portrays Santa as a dirty old pervert taking advantage of his status and his employees, and not just by getting them to work late shifts.
It's not the first time Santa's had bad press Downunder. Who can forget the image of Kaikohe children beating up Santa during a 1991 Christmas parade? We made world news for the wrong reasons again in December 2005, after reports of "Stewed Santarchists" (a warping of the anti-commercial "Santarchy") rioting in Auckland. The boozed-up, Santa-suited posse rampaged through the central city, robbing stores, tagging buildings, pelting bottles at cars, assaulting security guards, haranguing passersby and vandalising the SkyCity Casino's giant Christmas tree.
Then, last Christmas, a drunken, dressed-as-Santa mob upset children when they tore into a Christchurch movie theatre, kicking and smashing everything in sight.
Meanwhile, last week there was no escaping what's been dubbed "Santagate", as debate raged about whether we should forcibly retire the 25-metre Santa perched on Whitcoulls in Queen St, Auckland.
Why tear down the festive-season fixture? Well, not so much because his upkeep bill is $55,000 a year, but because he looks "seedy" with his skew-whiff eye and beckoning finger. A dozen media polls and innumerable emails and phonecalls in support of the big fella flooded in, the debate played out on talkback, and there were 17 heated pages on www.nzherald.co.nz's write-in section, Your Views. While the words "icon" and "institution" were bandied around a lot in the pro-Santa corner, there was no ignoring that plenty of people who wanted to give him the boot: "He looks like a child molester," said one correspondent. "If I had a rocket launcher I'd take him out myself."
Despite the decision last week that Santa will staying put - possibly with a bit of a makeover - the debate continued, becoming so vehement and polarised that two Facebook groups were set up. At press time there were 68 members of "Keep The Whitcoulls Santa on Queen St!!!!" and 632 members of the "Queen St Santa is Creepy".
One creeped-out Facebooker is Auckland teacher Tom Lusk, who says: "Last Christmas on Queen St I heard an Irish girl say, 'Look, it's Santa Claus the peeeeerrrrvertttt!'
"There are also a couple of terrifying plastic Santas around Ponsonby: one above White Cross Medical Centre and one on the Franklin Rd New World. Both have psychotic bulging eyes."
Palmerston North writer Michael Cummings gets riled about people panning the Queen St Santa and says: "The essence of the current 'dodgy Santa controversy' is this - any man who works with or is associated with young children these days is inevitably smeared with the suspicion of paedophilia.
"Unfortunately, even a mythical figure like Santa is not immune from the disgusting stigma we now attach to men who show any kind of affection for children.
"While children, in their innocence (some might say wisdom) are oblivious to such cynical interpretations, adults now see Santa's wink and beckoning finger as something seedy or sexual. Shame on us."
But try as we might to keep kids immune from all the innuendo, you could hardly blame them if they don't want to sit on Santa's knee any more - or blame parents if they don't bother keeping up the Santa illusion. While many parents still let their kids find out the bad news themselves, about 4 in 10 are shattering the myth themselves.
One Auckland mum, who doesn't want to be named in case her friends have her on about it, told her two children when they were 3 that Santa wasn't real.
"What's the point of pretending?" she asks. "Santa's got serious image problems with this whole seedy old man thing and I don't want to give my kids nightmares."
Fair enough, but the tricky thing is that once one kid knows - the average age that children find out is 7 and dropping - word soon spreads around the classroom.
Sometimes that word is spread by the teacher. A relieving teacher at an English primary school was suspended after telling a class of 7-year-olds that Santa didn't exist.
Dr Carl Anderson, a Texan dubbed "the world's foremost Santa expert", has studied, written about and performed as Santa. He reckons it's important to preserve the myth of Santa - which studies have shown to have no damaging effects - and let children figure things out on their own.
Speaking for Santa Claus, he has a message for Auckland cynics: "Santa is in no danger of tarnishment as he represents hope, and while there will always be cynical scrooges, his message will endure."
And if we give the jolly old fat man a break, the Christmas myth might just be able to survive unblemished - and the kids won't need to wonder whether Santa's gone bad.
