KEY POINTS:
The devastated partner of a man who succumbed to melanoma has warned Kiwis to regularly check their skin - and not ignore irregularities or think that they're bullet-proof.
Kathryn Binks, 37, buried her partner Ian Bean, 50, last Thursday - only six weeks after he had been diagnosed with melanoma and related brain tumours.
She says she and Ian noticed a reddish-white lump in the centre of his back about four to five months ago, but they ignored it.
"I always thought cancer would look sinister and it would be quite obvious, but this thing looked like an infection - nothing too sinister."
Ian, a father-of-three from his first marriage, was a keen fisherman who would spend hours in the sun. He was a typical Kiwi bloke who mowed the lawns with his shirt off and hardly ever bothered about sunscreen.
He and Kathryn, a real estate agent, had been together five years. She has two children, Holly, 8, and Abby, 6.
Even in October, when he started suffering a headache that would not ease, Ian initially refused to seek help. "Ten days later I made him go to see the doctor because I noticed that things weren't right, like he'd spend too long in the shower, and he'd clean his teeth for longer than usual," says Kathryn. "He'd leave the car door open. He just wasn't on to it... and he'd always been an on-to-it person."
Kathryn took Ian to a doctor, but he refused to get out of the car, saying they'd think he was a "wuss" for complaining about a headache.
"So we came home and I screamed and shouted and carried on. I said to him, 'You know, you think you're a big Kiwi bloke, but you won't be such a big Kiwi bloke if you die and leave me with two little kids'."
After his brother intervened, Ian eventually agreed to see a doctor. The doctor also didn't think there was much wrong - the couple didn't even talk about the lump on the skin because they didn't think it was connected to the headaches - but Kathryn insisted that Ian had a scan.
In late October, Ian was told that he had several brain and lung tumours, stemming from the melanoma found on his back. He died just six weeks later.
Now Kathryn wants to get a message across to the general public: check your skin on a daily basis and, if you're uncertain about anything, see a doctor.
Melanoma is the third most commonly diagnosed cancer in New Zealand for men and women - about 250 Kiwis a year die from it. It is the most common cancer in 20 to 40-year-olds.
Doctors have also warned that people in their 30s are now showing up with the most common form of skin cancer - basal cell carcinoma.
"I want to say there are a lot of middle-aged men like Ian who won't go to a doctor because they are too big and strong and tough," says Kathryn. "Just get yourself there. Have a six-monthly check-up because if you don't, it could be too late."
The couple had been planning to get married in Las Vegas in February.
She feels guilty that melanoma did not even occur to her. "He told me afterwards it was quite itchy when he would have a shower - other than that, it didn't bother him at all. Cancer never entered into my head. The doctors have since said to me don't feel guilty about it because you can't instantly recognise a melanoma - you can even get them on the soles of your feet and just not know they are there.
"Ian's last words to me before he had a big seizure were 'No more tears from now on, Angel'. I don't know where it comes from but you do get strength."
carolyne.meng-yee@heraldonsunday.co.nz
