Sideswipe

Model Nicky Watson says Yo! Yo! Yo! instead of Ho, ho, ho: While speeding down Queen St in a Hubbard-powered jafacab with Santa riding shotgun, Nicky Watson managed to show some disturbing hip-hop solidarity for her peeps (people) in the street by giving props (a gesture of respect and acknowledgment) to the western suburbs with a "Westside salute". Hang on. Aren't you from Karaka, homegirl?

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People in a St Heliers waiting room didn't know where to look this week when a receptionist telephoned a patient who had failed to keep an appointment. "You couldn't possibly have forgotten," she told the sick woman. "I am sending you the bill for $280 ... That's our policy." Naturally, the conversation deteriorated from there. A few minutes later, the patient called back arguing the toss. As the waiting room winced, the receptionist loudly proclaimed that if the patient did not pay the bill she would "send it on to Baycorp". Some were left wondering: if doctors are going to get so hardnosed about charging for their time, perhaps patients should start invoicing them - at whatever the patient's professional chargeout rate is - for the obligatory 20 to 30 minutes everyone is made to wait, every time ...

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Sideswipe's story about the man in Tauranga looking for a Latin dictionary reminds Bill Sheat of his wife's experience in a local bookshop. He writes: "She went in to get a replacement for our battered copy of Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. After unsuccessfully consulting her computer database, the shop assistant asked, 'Has she written any other books lately?"'

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An elderly man in Auckland calls his son in Sydney and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that you mother and I are divorcing, 45 years of misery is enough."

"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man replies. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Brisbane and tell her," and he hangs up.

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone, "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this."

She calls her dad immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced! Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.

The old man hangs up the phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "they're coming for Christmas and paying their own airfares."

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Snowplanet, the indoor snow resort being built just north of Auckland, is looking for anyone who was living in Auckland on July 27, 1939. According to the MetService, this was the last time it snowed in the city (apparently there was a 5cm base on Mt Eden). Please contact Julie Chapman on 446-6083 for your chance to see snow again.