Too much information for a young man
"Last week's 'nude and pregnant' [item] reminded me of my youth," writes Malcolm. "Not long after I started pursuing the fairer sex, but as yet still to catch a willing one, my mother asked for my help one Sunday afternoon. Her friend and 70-something neighbour, who always came for a cuppa in the afternoon, had not shown. Mother had gone next door and heard cries for help. The neighbour was unable to lift her ample frame out of the bath water, so had pulled the plug. Now she was even heavier! Yes, I did manage to lift her, naked and dripping, from the bath and have had a buggered back ever since. This was definitely not the introduction to the female form I had dreamed of!"
Unhelpful advice from old books
1. "Jumping the rope is not good exercise, for it jars the body too much, while there is great danger of catching the feet in the rope and so getting a hard fall, and, perhaps, a broken limb."
2. "Squinting or rolling the eyes, even 'for fun,' is a dangerous practice, because it strains the muscles which should hold the eyeball in place.
3. "A new technique in bathroom construction may soon come into widespread use. In place of tile walls, the method calls for spraying molten lead on a thick woolly wallboard. Result: a pleasant silver-grey colour, smooth, waterproof, rustless, and soundproof - at half the cost of tile."
(Via Obsolessons - A Compendium of Unhelpful Self-Help)
Rewinding the body clock
