Furry's a jolly good fellow... classy punster delivers the message.
Hipster pooh-poohs beard trend
After a report suggested beards can contain trace amounts of faecal matter, a Dublin hipster has taken to social media to claim that he had shit in his beard before anyone else had even heard of it. American news programme Action 7 News concluded that while most beards are well kept and clean, some contain "as much bacteria as a toilet" causing many men to question whether or not to shave off their fashionable beards. But the Dublin hipster has scoffed at the report. "Yeah, look, I've had shit in my beard for years, before it was this trendy new thing, ya know?" said Marc Kerrigan. "I'm sick of all these posers jumping on the beard shit bandwagon all of a sudden, it really dilutes the true fanbase." (Source: Waterford Whispers News)
Vote? It's mission impossible
"My wife and I returned home just after 6pm on Wednesday to find that our UK election ballot papers had finally arrived," writes David Baker. "We have to get them back to the returning officer by 5pm on Thursday. If we head straight to the airport and travel by the quickest route possible we still couldn't get there in time to deliver them personally, so courier is not an option. The same thing happened at the last election. I wonder if any Poms living in New Zealand have ever succeeded in casting a postal vote?"
Claim goes down the dunny
New MP Ria Bond is reported as saying her grandfather was "a great-grandson of Thomas Crapper who invented the flush toilet". Thomas Crapper did not invent the flush toilet - various civilisations had versions of it a thousand years before he was born. Queen Elizabeth I had one in 1596. Thomas Crapper refined and patented only the floating ballcock - not the toilet itself. (Source: Is It True? by Max Cryer)
