Sideswipe: May 5: The end that never began

Sideswipe - ana.samways@nzherald.co.nz·NZ Herald·

4 May, 2023 05:00 PM2 mins to read

More than 12 months ago, trucks started going up and down Sim Rd in Paerata, Auckland, making a right mess of it. The trucks stopped and then the orange cones and signage appeared but no repairs have happened. Hence ...

Uber blows

An Uber Eats driver has accused the food-delivery giant of failing to support her after she refused to deliver a suspicious package in Sydney’s eastern suburbs which police later discovered contained crystal meth. The driver, Jess, who asked for her surname to be withheld for personal safety reasons, said the company had failed to remove the drug dealer from the app or take down the one-star review he gave her, and said at one point she was even scolded by a customer support officer for not delivering the package.

Most embarrassing thing

I did a handstand against the fence outside secondary school while waiting for a lift home. I had Doc Martens on, and they got wedged between the fence posts and I was stuck, in full view of the main road into town. To top it off my shirt fell over my face so I was flashing my bra.

Humiliation of middle-age

The editor writes: “You know you have reached a certain age when falling over becomes a fall and if that fall was in public or the shower. And you were sober. “It’ll be those wedges you insist on wearing,” declared my tall friend. But it wasn’t, it was the uneven paving outside Briscoes. The tumble itself was in slo-mo. Nothing happens at speed anymore. I just leaned into it, tried to think of contact sports, what would Mils do? Roll with it. Luckily there was only one witness close enough to engage. She was young and effortlessly carrying a box. “Are you alright she said?” her face gurning with empathy. “Fine. Nothing broken.” The grazes throbbed as I awkwardly picked myself and walked into Briscoes for a brief but profound cry in the towel aisle.”

RIP Sideswipe

Yes, it’s true. After 21 years, almost to the day, Sideswipe is shuffling off quietly. What can I say but a) it’s done its dash; b) it was great while it lasted; c) it’s time for a refresh; d) money’s too tight to mention; e) all of the above. Thanks to all the regular readers and occasional ones too, your engagement was often warm and generous; even your outrage was appreciated. Tēnā koutou, kei te pai ahau, Ana Samways.