Sideswipe: June 26: Don't bother smashing window

Sad fact due to previous break in

Quick wit, quick answers

The late Pauline Phillips, aka advice columnist Abigail Van Buren, sure knew how to be succinct.

1. Dear Abby: "I don't want to appear conceited but I'm forced to admit that I am one guy who has everything. Women are always flocking around me and telling me how good-looking I am and what a marvellous personality I have. I'm beginning to find this pretty annoying and extremely tiring. I just want to live a normal quiet life. How can I dissuade these hopeful females?" CW

Dear CW: Keep talking.

2. Dear Abby: "My wife sleeps in the raw. Then she showers, brushes her teeth and fixes our breakfast - still in the buff. We're newlyweds and there are just the two of us, so I suppose there's really nothing wrong with it. What do you think?" - Ed

Dear Ed: It's OK with me. But tell her to put on an apron when she's frying bacon.

Sex talk from on high

On Monday night the citizens of Winnipeg, Canada got an earful, when two police officers flying a helicopter above the city talked about oral sex without realising their public address system was on. One of the first people to tweet about it was Natanielle Felicitas, who was in her backyard with friends when the voices came from the sky. "It was a hilarious and inappropriate human blooper moment," she said. Of course, somebody made an official complaint because children could have heard it.

Down-to-earth stargazer

"My daughter made a good attempt at this descriptive writing assignment, though I think she is really a pragmatist at heart," writes her mother. It reads: "Stars are like diamonds, shining down from the sky. They are shy, so they only come out at night. And they twinkle. They are very pretty. If I saw a falling star I would make a wish. I would wish that it didn't hit me. A falling star is called a meteor."

Betty Ryan thought these would not be good sprinkled on anything

Tough time for a teen

A West Auckland dad writes: "The depth of adolescent lethargy can only be fully experienced in winter, trying to drag their sorry self out from under the blankets to get to school on time. With that in mind, I had a discussion with my son about next year's high school choices. He was browsing a prospectus for a school he was keen on. 'Bus leaves at 7.25am,' he said gravely. Then he thought for a bit. 'Dad, I think I could catch that bus,' he said optimistically. 'At least on the first day'."

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Got a Sideswipe? Send your pictures, links and anecdotes to Ana at ana.samways@nzherald.co.nz