Ben writes: "I can imagine the organiser saying: 'Hold on ... I've got it! It's an art festival in Ellerslie so let's call it Arterslie in Ellerslie'." (frankenword is popular vernacular to describe and unfortunate result of the blending two unrelated words)
High-speed texter
"To the young woman driver of the red Nissan Elgrand, driving south through the Waikato on Friday, June 5. I followed you from Tirau to Lichfield at speeds ranging from 76km/h to 106km/h. You were weaving over the white sideline and across the centre line most of the distance. The centre line is double yellow out of Putaruru for a few kilometres, at times you crossed completely to the wrong side of the road. Luckily no opposing traffic came along each time that happened. I flashed my lights and blasted my horn to no avail. I finally passed you when we got to the passing lane and you didn't even see me -- you were far too busy texting!"
Report card tells it like it is
"Sadly, school reports have become increasingly sanitised in recent years," writes a reader. "Teachers are required to provide positive nourishment even to the most barren soil. Sadly the following report comment did not pass management scrutiny: 'He aspires to mediocrity yet seldom achieves it. His frequent absences have a positive impact on the learning outcomes of his peers. It would be an overstatement to describe his approach to learning as lacklustre. His cognitive engagement often fails to keep pace with his verbal output. His level of achievement in this subject reflects his ability and effort'."
