Sideswipe: June 12: Teacher note may be forged

Welcome to our brave new world

Novelist Graeme Lay, fresh from launching the final book in his trilogy about Captain Cook, was finishing his shopping at the Devonport supermarket when the checkout girl said: "I saw your photo and a picture of your book in the Auckland Writers Festival programme, and I couldn't help wondering - why did you write about our supermarket?" Graeme explained patiently that his book wasn't about the New World supermarket, but about Captain's Cook's explorations into the new world. "You must have known him very well," said his checkout girl. "Well no, because he died 225 years ago," he said. "Oh - so you didn't know him ... Do you have Fly Buys?"

Not the remotest idea ...

"What idiot at F&P decided that having a remote for a dishwasher was a good idea?" asks Mike Couttes. "Did they think, 'Oh good, I've loaded the dishwasher, I'll turn it on in the lounge'?. Remotes get lost by husbands, eaten by dogs, their batteries run out, and when there's two buttons, you'll likely press the wrong one. I know! For the next model they could put the button on the door."

Two into one won't go

A reader writes: "If you look at the other parked cars, their proximity to the painted lines shows that if the Bentley parked within the lines, then the occupants would not be able to exit the car. The Bentley is a wide car. It is not a Nano. It is the fault of the parking space providers that they cram too many parking spaces into a car park. Good on the Bentley owner for taking a stand. He/she does not want something he treasures ruined by the doors of other vehicles being slammed into its side panels. I angle-park across three parks to stop my car doors being dented by others exiting their cars in such tight places. Arise the consumer!"

"This note was on the car in front of me and it reminded me to be little more patient when driving, and in life," writes Pejman.

Nudge nudge, wink wink, say no more!

"GiggleTV should be called EyerollTV," writes Simon of Glen Eden. "Their gags about mental illness are only the tip of the iceberg of unfunniness. There's the one that reads 'Can a woman make you a millionaire? Yes, if you're a billionaire.' A gold-digger gag, how 1978! I'm not offended, just weary. We're a progressive country that tries to treat women as equals, where it's legal for same-sex couples to marry. Is there any place for this weak, stereotype-enforcing humour in modern New Zealand?"

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Got a Sideswipe? Send your pictures, links and anecdotes to Ana at ana.samways@nzherald.co.nz