Sideswipe: July 7: What we really meant to say

SADDEST WHEELIE BIN EVER: Can you just feel its pain? Say what you mean!

Phrases translated for your enlightenment:

1. "It's not you, it's me," means: "It is you, and nothing I've done."

2. "It's not about the money. I just want to make sure this never happens again," means: "I'm ready to settle out of court. Just show me the money."

3. "With all due respect ..." means: "Listen, you idiot ..."

4. "Money isn't everything," means: "I'm totally jealous of your cashed-up-ness."

5. "Present company excepted, of course," means: "I know what I'm criticising is something you do all the time, but I don't want you to not like me, so I'll just give you an exemption without explanation."

6. "To be honest ..." means: "I'm about to give you my unasked-for opinion that I believe will be well-thought through and/or controversial ... but isn't."

7. "The eyes of the world will be watching us," means most of the world will be paying us the same attention we're giving the Fifa Women's World Cup in Germany.

8. "Monthly sick problems" means: "You spend heaps of work time in the loos faffing about with your sanitary bits and bobs or at home clutching a hot water bottle to your abdomen."

Manic menu

Geoff Canham had a great meal out at The Three Rooms Restaurant in Richmond, near Nelson, last month but was reluctant to try the "Grand Mania" liqueur on the menu. "I heard alcohol is linked to such things, but I had no idea that these conditions can now be sold by the glass!"

Website with heart

Auckland paramedic Gareth Jenkin has come up with an idea that could save the lives of six Kiwis a day. The site aedlocations.co.nz shows you where to find your nearest defibrillator - which delivers an electric shock to cardiac arrest patients, returning the heart to its normal rhythm. Excluding hospital patients, about 12 Kiwis a day die from cardiac arrest and Gareth says research abroad suggests about half those lives could be saved if bystanders knew where to find an automated external defibrillator (AED), which can be used without any training. "People have cardiac arrests each month and die, when an AED may have only been 50 or 100 metres away but nobody knew it was there." The not-for-profit website has just gone live and offers an iPhone app. Gareth hopes AED owners will add their locations to the onsite map.

Out of the gutter, please

An unintentional double entendre? Axel says of the number plate featured yesterday (RDY24Q): "4Q is a police code for inquiry or investigation, so ready to 4q is really ready to investigate, which is something that serious crash [units] do. So maybe Nicki should get her mind out of the gutter."