Sideswipe: July 6: Sign language

Photo / Supplied

Celebrating Maori Language Week, snapped in a Mt Roskill carpark.

Just say what you mean

* "You wouldn't recognise [name of town] anymore," actually means: "lots of foreigners/non-white people live there."
* "I'm not being funny but..." actually means: "I am about to display ignorance and bigotry..."
* "Strictly off the record," means: "I'm throbbing to tell you and have already told lots of others."
* "Don't take this personally," means: "I'm about to make you cry."
- Source: @Jemima - Khan

Can you think of any? Email Sideswipe.

Not really a global game

"Yes, Dave those Pacific Island All Blacks you mention are also born overseas," writes our original rugby stirrer. "But the difference is that they moved here as kids, went to school here and learned rugby here. The expats playing for Italy, Japan and England have tenuous links to those countries, and may have only lived there for 2-3 years, as adults. For example, Joe Rokocoko was born in Fiji, but moved here when he was 5. He went to school here and learned his rugby here. Anyway, I'm sure all sides are packed with Kiwis, Aussies and South Africans - that was my point - that rugby isn't really a global game."

Snapped with a bad joke

"We were watching TV One's Serious Crash Unit the other night," writes Nicki. "At the end of the show the cop investigating the crash did a final bit to camera summarising the case. This was filmed in the police station where he's based. What caught our eye was a personalised number plate RDY24Q displayed on the wall in the background. Not really appropriate for a police station we thought."

Keep the bubbles, thanks

William had a real estate person come to sell his house back in 2000. "She wanted $25,000 to sell it. I put it on Trade Me for $199 (costs more now) and it sold within two weeks. Keep the bubbles and umbrellas; I'll always take the cash."

Come home Feeney all is forgiven

Lauren writes: "Feeney is missing again from Herne Bay, since Saturday, July 2. He is an 8-year-old male chocolate point Cornish rex. He is not the sharpest knife in the drawer and has a penchant for trying to move into peoples' houses, especially if he can be Lord of the Manor with no other cats or dogs. His appearance is decidedly shabby - his very short coat has the appearance of an over-loved teddy bear, and of course he is over-loved, even if he is daft. He also has a very unusual gait; sort of constipated with straight rear legs splaying out in a most peculiar manner. He has done this before - both gone missing and spent a year or two trying to move into a neighbour's house. We don't take it personally and would love to hear of anyone who has seen him. Call us on 021 823 590."