Sideswipe: January 20: Husband humour

Husband humour from Palmers, Rotorua. "It's so true," says Wendy. "Hubby Ross always has to play with the water features."

Jumping the shark

A reader writes: "Has Food in a Minute jumped the shark? This week, the lovely Lana Garland is making a smoothie with Complan powder. All she does is add some strawberries, a banana and some honey. I thought it was about giving nutritional and inexpensive meal ideas but I guess it's just about pushing products. Pffft. Who needs a recipe to make a smoothie?"

Chopper jaw-dropper

I spotted a small helicopter at Pt Chevalier Beach hovering just a few metres above swimmers , precariously close to the trees at 2.10pm (high tide) on Tuesday. At first, I thought it was rescuing a swimmer but after a few minutes it took off. It was unsettling enough to make me gather the children and look for an escape. A pilot mate says the rules are 152m minimum over a non-populated area and 304m min above a populated area. It was more like 10m to 20m.

Elastic lyrics

1. When a kid I thought The Lord's Prayer went, "Our Father who art in heaven, Howard be thy name ... "(I got the cane for blasphemy from the miserable vicar who thought I was taking the p***.)

2. A friend of my daughter used to think it was "The lift goes up and we get on" instead of "Love lift us up where we belong".

3. Our family had a debate once whether Enya's 80s hit Orinoco Flow was "sail away" or "save a whale". Now, when it comes on, we all laugh and sing "Save a whale, save a whale" instead.

4. After years of loudly and proudly singing "You picked a fine time to leave me loose wheels, 400 children and a crop in no field ..." I was astounded to learn the words to Kenny Rogers' song Lucille were "You picked a fine time to leave me, Lucille, four hungry children and a crop in the field ..." I always did wonder what "loose wheels" had to do with the song and how anyone could possibly have 400 children.

5. "Take your pants off, and make it happen." ("Take your passion, and make it happen," from Flashdance.)

6. My fave misheard lyrics is a line in a Bloc Party song which I thought went, "And you told me you wanted to eat up my sandwich, so jump on, enjoy, and gorge away". It's actually "sadness". Turns out the song is about love, not lunch.

7. "Hold on for what we've got, it doesn't make a difference if we're naked or not" instead of "... if we make it or not". (Bon Jovi, Living on a Prayer.)

8. I could never work out why George Harrison should sing, "Happiness is a warm nun" ... but when I learned that it was a "warm gun" I was even less impressed!

9. My 3-year-old son's favourite song is Deep Purple's Boat on the Water.

10. For ages my mum thought John Cougar Mellencamp was a group of four people (John, Cougar, Mel and Camp).

Mondegreen misnomer

Misquoted lyrics are called mondegreens, coined by Sylvia Wright in Harper's Magazine, originating from her mishearing a line in the 17th century ballad The Bonny Earl o' Moray: "They have slain the Earl of Moray and laid him on the green" misheard as "They have slain the Earl of Moray and Lady Mondegreen".