Sideswipe: Jan 18: Misheard song lyrics

They're losing control as Olivia Newton John and John Travolta show off their shoes of plywood ... in Grease. Photo / Supplied

1. "I've got shoes, they're made of plywood, from Grease's You're the One that I Want."

2. "When the TLC song that goes "Don't go chasing waterfalls" first came out in the mid-90s I had to persuade my sister that the lyrics were NOT 'Go Go, Jason Waterfall'."

3. John Farnham sings "and now that our fathers are gone" in Age of Reason and I always hear 'and now that I've fathered a dog'!"

4. "If you're in love with a beautiful woman, you gotta wax your back".

5. "The ants are my friends, they're blowin' in the wind. The ants are a-blowin' in the wind ..."

6. "'It's not fair to deny me of the cross-eyed bear that you gave to me ...' The real lyric of Alanis Morissette's You Oughta Know is ... 'It's not fair to deny me of the cross I bear that you gave to me'."

7. "My sister and I used to sing along to Duran Duran's Girls on Film but our line was 'Girls on film, too many slaters' rather than 'two minutes later'."

8. "My wife misheard good shirt's Sophie (so sweet so fine, so polite too) as 'so sweet so fine, so pot-like too'."

9. "When I was a young boy listening to the Beatles' hit song, Ticket To Ride, I always thought they were singing, 'She's got a chicken to ride'. I used to sing that at the top of my lungs and my dad laughed, but never told me the real words. I always wondered, what a huge chicken that must be, and how much fun that ride must have been!"

10. "I used to believe Row, Row Row Your Boat was 'Row, row, row, your boat gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily life's a butter dream.' Then I realised I was completely wrong a few years ago."

Dubious words
Tom writes: "Can I suggest that the 'Just a little off key' part where the little girl is listening to Killing in the Name Of be titled 'Dubious Parenting #3'. Why is a parent letting a little girl listen to a Rage Against The Machine song in which the last lines are repeating the sentence 'F*** you I won't do what ya tell me'?"

Keep your pants on
Down trou: "My understanding is you only receive the down trou instruction in pool when your opponents have successfully sunk all of their balls and the black before you have managed to sink any of your own. If you sink the black and allow your opponent to win by way of a foul, this does not constitute a down trou as you have actually managed to sink a ball on the table - albeit the black."

Human kiss of death
Carl Watson of Whakatane: "The ongoing saga about dogs licking etc and infection risks. On a scale of 1 to 10, for severity of bite infections, humans, 1, dogs 10 ... check with any A&E dept. As a dentist for over 50 years, I have seen lots of dirty mouths, I would take my dogs licking me any day, over a kiss from some of the human mouths I've seen. The more lipstick, the worse, usually."