Sideswipe: How big is the pavlova?

We have been driving past this sign near Maramarua for over a year now. One can only assume that the property isn't selling because no one owns a fruit bowl big enough!

Luck of the Irish

"A few months ago I was playing golf with an elderly Irishman," says Roy. "On the first hole he was walking down a slope when his feet went from under him, his trundler fell over and his clubs and balls went everywhere. We picked him up, sorted out his gear and finished the first hole. On the second hole he hit a good drive. As he addressed the ball for his second shot I noticed a plastic fairway watering head pop up between his legs and three powerful jets of water shoot into his crotch. Only two holes played and he's bruised and soaked to the skin ... only 16 to go!"

Courier firm drives customer nuts

Greg writes: "On Saturday I booked and paid online for a courier pick up and delivery with NZ Couriers. I was quoted $33 for the job. I agreed to allow them to take $33 from my debit card. Later I checked my account and to my shock I found that $66 had been taken. I informed my bank but it said the funds had gone and any problems would have to be sorted with the courier company. Drats. I spent over an hour on the phone trying to get my money back only to be told it was normal practice to take out a little extra (double?) in case the parcel was heavier or bigger than stated by me online. This is outrageous. They were authorised a set amount and they proceeded to steal an extra $33 which I can have back seven days after delivery of the item if they deem it fit to do so. How many other peasants have been subjected to this modern day extortion?"

Compact lenses required

"Our new compact telephone books have arrived but there is no magnifying glass included !" says Robin McGrath. "Is it just me or is the font size far too small for the average person's eyesight ... maybe the publishers have shares in an optical company?"

Old TV set to fetch $10k

Britain's oldest working television set, manufactured by Marconi in 1936, is expected to fetch more than £5000 ($10,490) at auction. It was bought for almost £100 (over half the annual average wage of the day) three weeks after TV transmissions began. But Mr G.B. Davis of Dulwich, southeast London, would have only been able to watch it for a few hours. The nearby Crystal Palace and its transmitter burned down three days later and the area could not receive pictures again until 1946. (Source: The Telegraph.co.uk)