Sideswipe: Fertile

Maybe free condoms would solve the problem? From a supermarket in Porirua.

Local tastes rule

Last year Doug watched TV3's The Kitchen Job, in which - John Palino renovates failing cafes. He recalled an amazing turnaround on the 306 Bistro in Onehunga, transforming it into a Cuban restaurant - Cubana Grill. "They showed it full of people and booming after they finished. But it appears the good times didn't last. I went there and they'd changed it back into a bar/cafe called Main Street. Palino's makeover was a total flop," he says. The owners say, 'It's what our locals preferred."'

Loopholes for the rich and famous

The Denver Post reported people can qualify for the lower agriculture property tax rate simply by cutting hay or letting livestock graze on their land. Tom Cruise allows sheep to graze for brief periods on his land and the newspaper says he pays about $400 in taxes on the 100ha he bought for nearly $18 million.

Saving bones on motorcycles

"Can I just point out, at the risk of sounding a health and safety fuddy duddy," says David, "it is possible to grind away 2.5cm of bone per second on tarmac at 48km/h. Irrespective of temperature I always wear full protective gear on motorcycles as I value my bones!"

Who takes the biscuit?

As expected there were a few responses to yesterday's joke: A banker, a National MP and a beneficiary are having morning tea with a plate of 12 biscuits. The banker takes 11, then leans over to the MP and whispers, "Watch out for the beneficiary, she's after your biscuit." Mike writes: "You seem to be ignoring the fact that the banker worked 80-hour weeks to buy the plate, the ingredients and bake the biscuits. The beneficiary sat around, did nothing, expected the biscuits and complained when they were not good enough." And Joe reckons it's more like this: "A banker, a mechanic, a forestry worker, a Labour MP and a beneficiary are having morning tea. The banker, mechanic and forestry worker bring 10 biscuits each. The Labour MP gives all 30 biscuits to the beneficiary then demands they somehow find more."

A little lesson in mathematics

Roger writes: "Trust the irony is not lost on you, but your poke at the advertisement of firewood in your Sideswipe column unfortunately clearly demonstrates your own stupidity and ignorance ... cm3 means cubic metre not centimetres. Duuuhhhhh!" Ah, Roger. Unfortunately, on this occasion, it is you that is stupid and ignorant. The abbreviation cm3 means cubic centimetres, not cubic metres, so yesterday's joke about the wood being expensive ("$65 per cm3, minimum 2cms") stands.