Sideswipe: February 9: Armstrong rugged up

Disgraced cyclist Lance Armstrong hauled over the carpet again.

Sarcastic advice

Q: How do I talk to my neighbour about the inappropriate movies her son is watching and the effect it's having on his friend, my son. He tells my son about watching "cool movies" like Stripes, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, and Groundhog Day. I think these movies are extremely inappropriate for a 10-year-old and have asked her son not to discuss them with my son. My children are not allowed to watch television, but, on rare occasions we allow them to view a G-rated DVD. Is there a diplomatic way to tell the neighbour that I think her son's movie viewing is harmful to her son and mine?

A: Some parents let their kids rot their minds with cool movies and allow them to grow up to be morally deficient s***bags, and some parents recognise that doggedly adhering to a ban on everything besides G-rated films is the best way to protect children from the world. The fallout from allowing this neighbour devilchild to talk about movies he's seen around your kid could have irreparable consequences: your kid might, for example, learn about groundhogs, or the concept of skipping school, before he retires. (Source: thatbadadvice.tumblr.com)

Copier abuse won't be tolerated

Brilliant lesson in PR

Lugging baggage off planes in the snow, watching happy travellers heading to exotic places day after day can become mundane, which is probably why the crew of Irish carrier Ryanair decided to have a laugh by drawing a giant snow penis on the ground next to the plane at a Dublin airport. Clearly, passengers complained. But how Ryanair responded to the incident was a lesson in corporate PR. They said: "While our ground crew excel at industry-leading 25 minute turnarounds, art isn't their forte, as they've clearly forgotten to draw wings on their snow airplane".

Sandbags galore ...

Delwyn Gugich writes: "Please tell everyone that does not live in West Auckland what we have been told: the causeway and the associated cyclepath flood in king tides and as they are spending multi-billions of dollars to do the tunnel and Spaghetti Junction part 2, they are raising the causeway bit of the motorway and the sandbags are stabilising the foreshore while they do roadworks so we all don't crumble into the sea. You can't do roadworks if twice a day the tide comes in and floods whatever hole they have just dug."