Sideswipe: Do you want tonic with that South American country?

Want some tonic with your Argintina, Sky TV?

Changed graffiti

1. At my first job in the 1970s, I went to the toilet and heard scratching at the door. I looked down at the six-inch gap at the bottom of the door. Above it it said "Beware limbo dancers". Freaked me out.

2. In 1988, we were at Trenton air force base in Canada. My corporal and I created a stencil of a pair of Kiwi footprints and began spraying red footprints from our Hercules front door towards the Aussie Herc parked nearby. Halfway through the task the air force police roared up with their lights flashing. Expecting a sobering night in police cells we got. "You're not finished yet? We'll come back later!"

3. On the highway to Rotorua, and on the familiar rocks that bore the truth that "Jesus saves", someone added: "Not on my salary!"

4. When I was a university student about 15 years ago there was a cooking magazine billboard at the bottom of Victoria St by the park. The month in question was for sexy seafood. On two separate occasions someone wrote underneath, "shrimp-tease" and "prawnography".

5. A few years ago, just south of Kaeo, while going through a windy bit, a transportable home slipped off its trailer and smashed into a million pieces on the side of the road. Within a short time, someone planted the sign "Bugger!"

6. In the 1970s I saw a great piece of graffiti around Khyber Pass: "Aotearoa, Land of the Wrong White Crowd".

7. For several years when I was growing up the following socio-political statement was daubed on a wall at the intersection of Grafton Rd and Park Rd: "Unemployment is not working".

8. Spotted in the gents loo, in the Bird Cage Pub, Freemans Bay, in the 1980s when the newfangled air hand dryers notoriously delivered more noise than hot air. 1. To start air, press button. 2. Rotate hands in airflow. [Added in biro:] 3. Wipe hands on trousers.

9. For many years on the back of a sign at the turnoff to Saint Bathans, Otago, was a sign with "Pat Bugs" written on the back of it. Anyone know why? This was repainted when the sign was replaced. My father's nickname is Bugs, so every time we drove past we'd pat him on the head.

10. After listening to a night of adults arguing over everything from politics to the economy, the 7-year-old withdrew to her room and put this sign up on her door: "NO Groan-ups Aloud!"

Is that bacon bits?

I was a bit annoyed when I got home to see that my vegetarian pizza had cost me $4.85! What a rip off! Oh and it was covered in bacon. Good job I'm not actually a vegetarian. Or Muslim. To be fair, they also say it may contain a whole bunch of other things like nuts and seeds; so I don't think they really have a clue what goes into their stuff. Delicious though.