Sideswipe: December 23: Lost in translation...

Spotted in Hong Kong. Lost in translation. Photo / Supplied

Service with a scowl

Lyn Cochrane and her family recently enjoyed a wedding at a popular Auckland spot. During a half-hour break between the service and reception, they decided to grab a drink. The barman said, "Can't you wait half an hour?" They said no, they would like a wine now, to which he replied that there were places that could help people like them - "and, no," says Lyn, "he wasn't joking. The reply still has us laughing, considering that barmen are usually paid to sell drinks."

Go where the accidents are

A reader writes: "If the police are serious when they tell us that they are more about saving lives than revenue-gathering this Christmas period, I wonder if they can explain how I managed to drive for seven hours (Blenheim to Christchurch via Greymouth) and saw only one cop, yet last Wednesday, I drove 15km within Auckland and saw four speed cameras (two in unmarked vans, plus two officers in patrol cars with radar guns drawn). "Where am I more likely to have a fatal accident - Arthurs Pass, or a well-surfaced, well-lit, half-empty, three-lane, dead-straight motorway with a concrete barrier in the middle? Wouldn't cops be more use patrolling the dangerous rural roads where fatal accidents usually occur, instead of on deserted holiday-period motorways?"

Doctor of microwaves

Daniel thought that the guy who said he was a "retired microwave engineer" (yesterday's Sideswipe) must be joking, but apparently not. An internet search found his LinkedIn profile which read: "Dr Keam has a bachelor of engineering degree (E&E, 1989) with first-class honours, and a PhD degree (1992) in microwave engineering from the University of Auckland." Who knew you could get a degree in microwaves?

Smuggler makes most of curves

Italian airport police eyeing up a busty Spanish model's curves made a startling discovery - 2.5kg of pure cocaine stashed as implants in her bust and backside. The 33-year-old woman arriving in Rome from Sao Paulo in Brazil was wearing tight-fitting clothes to enhance her voluptuousness, hoping that her looks might distract the attention of border police, but she drew suspicion after giving unclear answers to questions about the reasons for her trip to Italy to an officer. The discovery was made when two female investigators conducted a strip search.

Santra tracker

Excited kids can track Santa's progress on Christmas Eve by visiting www.noradsanta.org.