"So my mum posted the cat an advent calendar. Unfortunately we missed the delivery and the post office won't give it to me because the cat doesn't have ID. I have to ring up the head office and explain that my mother has sent our cat anadvent calendar, addressed to the cat, and that the cat can't come pick it up himself or lend me his ID to do it for him." (via @SophieWarnes)
Confession 101
A newly ordained priest is nervous about hearing confessions and asks an older priest to observe one of his sessions to give him some tips.
After a few minutes of listening, the old priest suggests that they have a word. "I've got a few suggestions," he says. "Try folding your arms over your chest and rub your chin with one hand."
The new priest tries this. "Very good," says his senior. "Now try saying things like 'I see', 'I understand' and 'Yes, go on'."
The younger priest practises these sayings, too.
"Well done," says the older priest. "Don't you think that's better than slapping your knee and saying: 'No way! What happened next?"'
A Canadian man who replied to a text while waiting in a drive-through lane has been given a $287 ticket. "I was just sitting there and I got a text, I replied to it," explained the driver. After texting, the man says a police officer gave him the ticket for distracted driving. "I just asked him like, 'in a drive-through, really?'" Canadian legislation prohibits the use of a phone on any thoroughfare, public or private that the public is ordinarily entitled to use for the passage of vehicles. Ticketing people in line at a drive-through has nothing to do with safety, which is what laws that prohibit texting and driving are for. What's the worst that can happen if you get distracted by a text while waiting at the drive-through? (Via Death and Taxes)
Break it down: Make your own "can't touch this" pants.
