Sideswipe: August 7: Simple but effective

Sideswipe - ana.samways@nzherald.co.nz·NZ Herald·

6 Aug, 2014 05:00 PM3 mins to read

Simple but effective, says Dave. (Via Ultimatestudent.co.nz)

Bieber song the ultimate bear scarer

Russian fisherman Igor Vorozhbitsyn, 42, would've probably been killed when a bear attacked him if it wasn't for his Justin Bieber Baby ring tone frightening the animal off. You might think it is a strange ring tone for a middle-aged man but Igor says: "My granddaughter loaded it on to my phone for a joke."

When you've got to go ...

A reader writes: "While visiting friends last weekend, their 13-year-old daughter decided to take a shower in the bathroom which had a broken lock. We were all aware the bathroom was off limits ... all of us except the 3-year-old who wandered in, dropped his trousers and settled himself for a lengthy sit-in, all the while the teen yelling for someone to get him out." Can you top that? Email Sideswipe.

White lies Kiwis were told as kids

1. "My whole family conned me into believing that just like tea leaves come from bushes and coffee beans grow on trees, so Milo grows on Milo bushes. They even convinced me to ask my Grandpa, an expert gardener, if he could please plant a Milo bush for me!"

2. "To improve our table manners and discourage us from licking the knife we were told: 'Aunty Lily cut her throat by eating off her knife'," writes Jeanette Alderson. "For years I had the gruesome picture in my head of poor Aunty Lily dying a painful death with a knife sticking out of the side of her neck. She was also never mentioned at family gatherings so I assumed they were ashamed of her bad manners."

3. A reader writes: "My mum also used to tell me that the other name for dandelions was 'Wet-The-Beds' and that if I picked them I would wet the bed. I guess it was because she didn't want weeds in the house."

4. Adrian Muller of Papamoa Beach writes: "When I was 5 our family lived on a dairy farm on the Kaipara Harbour. I used to have to walk around two sides of the bull paddock to get to school, having been warned the bull was very dangerous. When I asked my father why we kept a bull, he assured me, 'To smell the flowers'. I must have been 7 before I realised the truth of why we needed a bull."

5. "My sister and I were very fair-skinned and tried in vain to get a decent suntan," writes Brian. "Dad employed a Maori man to help on the farm and sis asked him how he came to be so brown. He told her it was only the rays of the early morning sun that gave you a good tan. Mum and Dad thought it was a hell of a joke to see sis and I up bright and early in the morning sitting in the sun with our shirts off!"

Honest garage sale sign, spotted in Christchurch.