KEY POINTS:
The father of the man at the centre of the Auckland motorway shoot-out is an ex-cop who wishes his son was killed by police rather than the innocent bystander who died.
Jim McDonald, of Bennydale, shook with emotion and sobbed as he told the Herald on Sunday of the disappointment and pain his son Stephen Hohepa McDonald, 50, had caused.
With wife Raewyn supporting him, Jim offered his apologies to the family of Halatau Naitoko, 17, who was killed nine days ago by the bullet meant for Stephen.
"The hardest thing would be to try and make them understand is that the feelings I have for them are genuine ... that I'm deeply sorry they had to go through what they're going through at the moment."
The emotional interview took place at the couple's home on Friday as Halatau's funeral took place in Auckland. Jim said his two daughters had asked to attend, and he had told them not to because of the offence it might cause.
"I don't know whether they (the Naitoko family) would welcome any member of my family at the funeral itself. Our hearts are with them right now."
Police have confirmed McDonald will have further charges added to the 29 he is already facing.
Present charges include allegations he used a .22 sawn-off rifle against police and their Eagle helicopter.
Raewyn said she and her husband had watched the news in tears every night since Halatau was killed. When they saw the body returned to his family home in Mangere, her husband said: "It should have been Stephen."
Jim applauded truck driver Richard Neville for accelerating towards Stephen, apparently in an effort to stop him hurting anyone.
Raewyn added: "If he had stopped him, that innocent kid would still be alive."
Stephen's death "would have made it a lot easier on a lot of people for a long period of time", says his father.
Asked by his wife who he would want to be around, Jim sighed and sobbed before replying: "that young boy."
Jim worked as a police officer as a young man.
He was involved in search and rescue and says he would have been a contender for the armed offenders squad if it had been formed before he left the force.
His connection, and guilt over the actions of his son, led him to contact police in Auckland twice this week to pass on messages of condolence and support to the officers involved in the shooting.
In the weeks that follow, he intends getting a permanent trespass order to stop his son from ever visiting the family home again.
"This (incident) is the cut-off. It has to be. He doesn't care about anybody else. He's destroying all of his children with this."
Raewyn agreed: "It is his maketu (curse), not ours."
As a boy, Stephen was a natural athlete, says his father, foreshadowing the 6ft 3 inch, 18-stone powerhouse he became as a man.
The gifted basketballer, rugby player and swimmer always had "a certain charisma" and convincing manner. Proof of this would emerge in years to come when children emerged from Stephen McDonald's past - seven at last count.
While Jim says he tried to keep his son out of trouble, he rarely resorted to physical discipline.
"I vowed and declared when I became a father I would never be as hard on my kids as my father was on me. I could never understand why he continued with that lifestyle. He never wanted for anything. He blamed me, and probably still blames me."
Stephen went on to become a heroin addict, spending 10-12 years on the methadone programme. He stopped by the family home at one stage to tell his father it wasn't his fault. "He said it was all his choice," said Jim.
There were patches of work in freezing works, but they never lasted.
Father and son even tried a partnership painting business in Wanganui. It ended with Stephen taking the business' money and a car, leaving his father in debt and disappointed, again.
The only other work he knows of was a time as a bouncer in Auckland "with his druggie mates".
Jim says in his opinion his son is responsible for the death of Halatau.
"If he hadn't gone on his rampage that kid would never have died. That police officer that pulled the trigger has to live with that for the rest of his life."
Raewyn says it is particularly sickening because of her husband's character. She says she fell in love with him partly because he gave so much of himself to others - "to be strong and protect the innocent", qualities that led him to join the police.
Even now Jim works for the Corrections Department running community service. Raewyn says he is driven by a desire to help - to ask young men "do you want to end up like Stephen?". The incident had crushed his spirit.
Raewyn says he asks that if he hasn't had success with his own son, "is he throwing his life away with these new ones".
But, says Jim, "if I cut this off, then these boys don't get their chance. They have no one to come to".
When the Herald on Sunday asks to photograph the couple, it is Raewyn who says to her husband: "Halatau's family needs to see you. His mokopuna need to see you. We have looked at him for the past week, at his mum and his girlfriend. Do you not think they would want to see you? It might help them. It's not about what you want any more. It's about what you can give back to Halatau."
An oak tree next to the McDonalds' house will be turned into a memorial for Halatau.
Raewyn said it represented the life he should have had - time to put down strong roots, and to enjoy a family as numerous as the leaves on the tree.
Jim says he has thought of disowning his son, something he can't do because "he is blood". But he has all but given up hope.
"I just hope he learns something from this at last - knowing he has to live with it for the rest of his life."
He describes Stephen as a son who "leaves a lot to be desired". But it is the Naitoko family, and not himself, he speaks of when he says sadly, and finally: "You can't replace a son."
