On Thursday night, I became the first transgender person to win an award in the 13-year history of the New Zealander of the Year awards. I almost did not show up to the awards night. Here’s why.
There was a significant backlash when the awards office announced that I wasa semifinalist for Young New Zealander of the Year and New Zealander of the Year in December 2022. Rarely did anyone criticise what I have done, but many were upset that a transgender person had made it to the semifinals. Miriama Kamo’s Twitter account was drowned in transphobic remarks because she dared to celebrate me.
I’m your Young New Zealander of the Year 🥹
Hey, trans folk, although we had a tough week and the attacks feel overwhelming, hear me, we are winning 💛 pic.twitter.com/74Fh3a6qXY
— Shaneel Lal 🧚🏻 (They/Them) (@shaneellall) March 30, 2023
A few days later, I received a phone call from a journalist asking if I was considering stepping down from my categories in light of the allegations. The allegations were that because I am trans, I am a groomer and sexualising children. I could not believe it.
After these experiences, I entered a mindset of defeat. I accepted that there was no way I could win. In the 12 years of the New Zealander of the Year Awards, no transgender person had ever won in any of the categories. What were the odds that I would become the first?
The awards process was taking place amid the rally and protest last Saturday when Kellie-Jay Keen-Minshull, also known as Posie Parker, came to New Zealand to host her rally in Auckland. I participated in the counter-protest attended by thousands that led to the shutdown of Keen-Minshull’s rally. She left the country within hours of her Auckland rally.
Again, there was a backlash; people threatened the awards office this time. On social media, people called for the awards office to disqualify me and threatened two event sponsors, Kiwibank and the University of Canterbury. Some people were posting the names of the judges and encouraging people to harass them.
After months of being on the frontlines of receiving transphobic abuse, I convinced myself that I was walking into the awards night having already lost. I considered the backlash and abuse and decided not to attend. I did not think I had the mental fortitude to sit through the night.
But after a few chats with the awards office and a heart-warming call from Kamo, I decided to go, and I am glad I did. The first few hours were anxiety-ridden. When my name was called out, I sat in my chair for a few seconds, not realising what had happened, and then a sudden rush of adrenaline took over me. Just like that, I became the Young New Zealander of the Year.
Shaneel Lal counter-protesting at Posie Parker's event in Albert Park last weekend. Photo / Dean Purcell
The day after I won happened to be Transgender Day of Visibility. Ironically, transgender people in New Zealand are having to make their accounts private due to the sudden rise of transphobic threats following Keen-Minshull’s visit.
Most New Zealanders responded positively to my win, but many had a meltdown and condemned the awards.
But I have a destination in mind. If I stop to throw a stone at every dog that barks at me on the way, I will not get to my destination in time. Keep barking; I have no time for haters.
I have thick skin, and I still somehow allowed myself to question the years of work I put into banning conversion therapy. The transphobia made me feel I wouldn’t win, even though I knew I deserved it.
Many transgender people in my position may have pulled out of the awards in these circumstances.
I feel transphobic people are relentless in their hatred and do not stop until they destroy you.
I am proud of myself for standing up to them, and I am thankful to the awards office for having my back throughout the process.
I am not going anywhere, and I am not scared of transphobes.
Shaneel Shavneel Lal (they/them) was instrumental in the bill to ban conversion therapy in New Zealand. They are a law and psychology student, model and influencer.
