Many assume that people are heterosexual by default and gay by coming out. I often get asked when I came out and how my parents responded to the news. I do not have a coming-out story, and when I tell people that, my response usually underwhelms them. It is harder for them to understand that I do not believe that queer people should have to come out to be queer.
People tend to think that if someone has not announced their sexuality is different from heterosexual, then they must be heterosexual. Queer folk are expected to go through this ritual of sitting people down, explaining their sexuality and begging that the people they’re coming out to love them still. I cannot think of a logical explanation for why queer people are expected to come out to non-queer people.
I have always treated my queerness like my brownness. They are both two natural parts of who I am. I never had to come out brown. Imagine this, I sit my parents down and say, “Mum, Dad, I hope you still love me, I am brown,” and my mum would yell, “Anything but brown! Give him diabetes or cancer! A heart attack! Anything but brown.” It sounds ridiculous because it is. Having to beg people to accept you for something that is a naturally occurring part of you is absurd.
Heterosexual people never have to come out. They never have to sit their parents down, explain that they are heterosexual and beg for their love after coming out. My sister brought home a boy, and my cousin’s brother brought a girl to a family function without ever explaining their sexuality to anyone. No one expected them to either. I wonder why people expect me and other queer people to have a coming-out story.