Like stranded pilot whales, Kiwis were led astray with Covid lockdowns and vaccine mandates - Ryan Bridge

THREE KEY FACTS

• Vaccine mandates caused huge pain to a “substantial minority” during the Covid pandemic and Government should consider whether their benefits outweighed their harms, a new report says.
• The first phase of the Royal Commission of Inquiry into the Covid-19 response was presented to the Government last week.
• The damage mandates caused to social cohesion needed to be considered when planning for future outbreaks, report author Professor Tony Blakely says.

Did Ricky Gervais give pilot whales their name?

Watching dozens of the magnificent creatures beach themselves in mass strandings this week is the exact opposite of funny. But why call them pilot whales if they’re so bad with directions?

Or are only some of them bad with directions? Like those drivers who hold both hands up above a car steering wheel to figure out left from right? The directionally challenged.

Do pilot whales, which are apparently actually dolphins we humans prefer to identify as whales for legal reasons (yes, it’s true), roll on to their backs and similarly hoist their flippery fins in the air, checking left from right, only to continually make bad choices and wind up stranded at sites such as Farewell Spit?

Honestly, these poor things need a rebrand because they sound like the punchline to a Netflix standup comedy special.

The sad truth is we don’t fully understand why the pilot whale is such a prolific strander, as the Department of Conservation puts it, but their in-built echolocation device seems ill-adept in shallow, gently sloping waters like the ones they die in.

Another theory, which is far more relatable, suggests their highly sociable behaviour gets them into trouble.

When one whale gets lost and strands its pod pals quickly fin over to help and find themselves in the same predicament.

Now that sounds much more like us humans.

Like the three guys in India this week who apparently drove straight off an incomplete bridge while following a route on Google Maps.

Or the now very trendy fad of Kiwi sailors auto-piloting ships into reefs.

Or the way we all, as a highly sociable species, went a bit nuts during Covid.

The release of the first phase of the Royal Commission’s report into our Covid response highlighted the strengths and weaknesses of this inalienable attribute that makes us all human.

While swimming together in the pod of five million was fun for a hot minute, we were soon led too far into shallow waters.

The Covid response was mostly good, especially at the start when we didn’t know where we were heading. Photo / Alex Burton

Some lockdowns went on too long, some vaccine mandates went too far, such as the cruelty of preventing dying loved ones the chance for a final goodbye.

And let’s not get started on the economic implications for our debt, which has doubled as a percentage of GDP on pre-Covid levels. The carcasses on the beach are the businesses hitting the wall at a higher pace than during the Global Financial Crisis and our kids skipping school at a higher rate than, well, ever.

The long-term consequences of policy settings during and in the wake of Covid on issues such as education, productivity, crime and social cohesion cannot be overstated and aren’t yet even fully understood.

Which is not to say our response was all bad. It was mostly good, especially at the start when we didn’t know where we were heading. We stuck together. The report makes this point clear.

But like the theory on pilot whales, we were led astray. I think part of the problem here was the fact that as social beings, we struggled to allow for differences of opinion and thought. We shut down ideas and concerns if they didn’t fit the “health first and at all costs” narrative.

In other words, our great strength is our sociable nature and our ability to communicate with one another.

But if not properly managed, those same strengths can turn into weaknesses and lead us to Farewell Spit feeling beached as, bro.