Rugby World Cup Road Trip: A moment of theatre

Nothing like a bit of American theatre. Photo / Matt Johnson

Opinion

STARS & STRIPEY
A RUGBY WORLD CUP ROAD TRIP REALITY PLAY IN ONE ACT

Nelson. Night time. Two Americans draped in flags stand watching rugby from the cheapseats. A young New Zealander stands behind them, skin pale and chilled apart from the Southland STAGS t-shirt he is wearing.

American 1: U-S-A!

American 2: Yeah!

A third American arrives.

American 3: Where you guys from?

American 1: Pittsburgh.

American 2: Chicago.

American 3: I'm from Houston (points). Those guys back there are from the Mid-west. Ohio...

All three snigger.

American 3: You guys mind if I hang out with you for a while?

Americans 1 and 2 look at each other.

American 1: What's your name?

American 3: Rob.

American 1: Rob... I'm AJ. I'm not sober. I mean, I'm sober... I'm just not that sober.

American 3: You guys see those Kiwis wearing American pants and American vests? I love it!

The crowd cheers.

American 1 and 2 : U-S-A! U-S-A!

American 3: Go America! (Punches fist in the air). Home of plastic surgery!

Yanks 1 & 2 two look at each other in silence.

American 3: You guys wanna do a U-S-A chant?

Two tall suits arrive wearing large plastic accreditation badges. A short man is standing between them. It is the Ambassador for the United States.

Ambassador: I was in the VIP section, but it's all Italians!

Conversation ensues... some general chit-chat.

Ambassador: Ok fellas.... I gotta go. Make some noise!

Americans 1, 2 and 3: U-S-A!

A suit either side, Mr. Ambassador walks off.

American 1: Did he just look at my butt while he was walking away?

American 2: He's lame. If I was a politician, I'd be kissing everyone's ass... not just ours.

Young New Zealander in STAGS t-shirt: Are you guys Canadian?

* Follow Matt across New Zealand at his RWC Road Trip blog or on twitter @KeaKaharoadtrip.

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