Grace Millane was murdered by Jesse Kempson after their Tinder date on the eve of her 22nd birthday in December 2018.
Grace Millane was murdered by Jesse Kempson after their Tinder date on the eve of her 22nd birthday in December 2018.
Women making the decision to leave an abusive relationship often leave with nothing.
But now an appeal with a difference in memory of murdered British touristGrace Millane is hoping to give those women a little bit extra when they commit to making a change.
The national appeal at more than 60 towns and cities across New Zealand asks people to donate a handbag containing specific essential items and other extra items if possible.
The bags are given to the women who seek help from Women’s Refuge.
Sarah Fox is collecting handbags filled with essential items as part of the Love Grace Handbag Appeal New Zealand for Women's Refuge. Photo / Supplied
In Rotorua, Sarah Fox is running the appeal with drop-off points at her workplace, Otonga Primary School, and the CT Club.
Fox said she has co-ordinated the appeal two years in a row because it resonated with her.
“When Grace Millane was murdered, it really hit home. My daughter’s name is Grace and we had just moved from Auckland back to Rotorua. I knew all the places where she had been and it was just so tragic.”
Millane was brutally murdered by Jesse Kempson after their Tinder date on the eve of her 22nd birthday in his downtown Auckland apartment, in December 2018.
Kempson tried to cover up the homicide and dumped her body in a shallow grave in the Waitākere Ranges.
Fox said she was now passionate about raising awareness about violence against women, with her daughters helping her with the cause.
“My daughters Grace, Charlie and I will check each bag and make sure that they contain all the items, add to those that don’t, and attach a Love Grace label to each one, ready to distribute to our local Women’s Refuge.“
She asked each donated bag to contain toothpaste, toothbrush, soap or shower gel, shampoo, conditioner and deodorant.
“Last year I collected 150 handbags from the wonderful people of Rotorua – I’d love to be able to achieve at least 200 this year.”
The late Grace Millane loved handbags. Photo / Chris Steel
Waiariki Women’s Refuge manager Julie Gibbs said the appeal was wonderful, as most of the time women had nothing when they left their dangerous domestic situations.
“To have their own toothbrush and toiletries is everything and it’s so nice to give them a handbag with products in it they can keep. It’s enabling them.”
Gibbs said the need was always there and the phones were “ringing hot”, especially during pressure times – such as around New Year and when back-to-school costs made things “fraught”.
“We were doubled up in some of the safe houses and we had lots of whānau in need of protector alarms, which are alarm systems to keep our clients at their properties safely.”
Gibbs said women often put themselves last on the list to get essentials.
The good news
Waiariki Women’s Refuge staff were still “frantic” but Gibbs said their work was making a difference.
“All of our social services work together and it is working really well. The same names are not coming back and they are on a different journey.”
She said different people were coming through the doors, such as older people.
“Now it’s children abusing their parents or the kids in the house are fighting and it’s becoming too bad for the parents.”
But Gibbs said the work Women’s Refuge did to turn families around was always rewarding – especially with clients facing complex drug, alcohol and mental health issues.
“The stories we can tell when they have been totally abused and children have low self-esteem and make no eye contact with their heads low, but then they walk in, have a coffee with us and the kids run into the kitchen and grab a biscuit. To see those outcomes in such a short space of time for those determined to make change – that’s what makes it all worthwhile.”
She said some maintained relationships with their perpetrators through the use of protection orders to keep people women and children safe while the perpetrators sought the help they needed.
“It’s not always about keeping families apart, it’s about helping to find solutions.”
Mere Wynyard, who has been working with Fox during the Love Grace Handbag Appeal, said they were grateful for Fox’s help to get as many handbags as possible.
“We are finding there is a lot more need for those basics.”
Handbags filled with new essential items can be dropped to Otonga Primary School or the CT Club. Anyone wanting to donate clothing or furniture to Waiariki Women’s Refuge can take them 17a Marguerita St.
Kelly Makiha is a senior journalist who has reported for the Rotorua Daily Post for more than 25 years, covering mainly police, court, human interest and social issues.
