People will not text their friends - they will yodel.
The scene will quickly fracture into pre- and post-yodel factions. Country singers will become bitter and challenge the authenticity of post-modern yodelling as fashion models yodel down the catwalk.
The hills will be alive with the sound of yodel-fying urban folk over-running the mountains and sending sexy yodels echoing around the valleys as the trend reaches peak yodelling.
Those who initiated the fad will be outflanked by corporates cashing in on the original concept. The Swiss will reclaim their tradition and the hordes will rush off to the next big thing (sounds a bit like the trajectory of rock 'n' roll).
Another trend that needs to be steered towards the dumpster is the way media interviews are being burdened by subjects responding to questions by saying: "That's a good question" or "That is an interesting question".
I have a question for those who say this - which may not be a good question but it is interesting: "Why do you do this?"
Is it a way to boost the ego of the interviewer and get them onside? Is it to create the idea that both parties to the interview are intellectual equals, both clever people and therefore trusted buddies?
Or is it simply a diversion that gives more time to find an adequate answer to a tricky question?
If I hear this gambit used once more, I will be forced to question my own resolve to never shout at the radio.
The other recent trend I have noted is the range of coughs out there as cold bugs roam free, attacking innocent victims. Once rounded up and put into a witness line-up, it is easy to identify the usual cough suspects.
There is the sniffling cough, the rough barking cough, the light "unaccustomed as I am to public speaking" cough and the death-rattle cough.
Most victims can immediately identify "whodunnit" from the line-up and ask that it be sentenced to home detention and banned from the workplace until it has been rehabilitated.
As the trend for Auckland and other centres to become unaffordable - unless you are on the equivalent of an MP's salary - gathers pace, these places will become hollowed out, inhabited by only the super-wealthy.
They will become unaffordable to the those who keep cities alive and safe - such as the police, health and service workers.
This is already happening in other parts of the world yet it constantly amazes me how New Zealand policy-makers fail to learn from the mistakes made by other countries.
We, a nation of just more than four million people, smugly tell visitors how we all know each other.
We should be able to manage our way toward a sustainable future with one hand tied behind our backs but instead we chase mirages and trends rather than accepting the challenges.
Terry Sarten (aka Tel) is a writer, musician, satirist and social worker - feedback: tgs@inspire.net.nz
