Robyn Yousef: It's just about time to be too late for Christmas

Less than two months to go, so up go the shop decorations. Photo / Jason Oxenham

Opinion

"Oh, no I'm sorry I can't possibly do it now before Christmas." Get ready and be aware, because soon you'll have this statement ringing in your ears. The Christmas Crush is about to descend upon us with all its jolly madness.

I'm a big kid when it comes to Christmas Day. I love it. I'm the granny who still pokes and prods at her presents under the tree and I can't sleep past 6am on Christmas morning (mostly because of the tussle I have stuffing that traditional turkey).

I particularly like sitting down to watch the Queen's Message with a glass of wine and some leftover trifle, usually content in the knowledge I've seen many of the people closest to me as well as feeding and watering them.

But, the build-up. It's all too much and it's getting earlier and seemingly more commercial and complicated each year.

It used to be that Christmas carols made me all goose-bumpy and nostalgic. And Silent Night would nearly always bring me to tears. In recent years though we have been getting such an overdose of this music in malls that I start yearning for the relief of the growl of the crowd at Boxing Day sales.

If you have a loo that leaks, a chair that needs upholstery or even a WoF for your car that must be obtained before Christmas Day, please heed my word of warning. Soon the tradespeople/wholesalers/suppliers will be chorusing: "It can't possibly be done before Christmas."

It's always said with a sense of foreboding as if you should have known that December 25 is just around the corner and that we should expect our entire business world to grind to a standstill.

And don't you just hate these pompous people who announce somewhere around Easter that they have done all their Christmas shopping?

It's only April but those pressies are already wrapped and ready to be popped under the tree.

There is an upside to being prepared early though as it's great to be able to go to a day-time movie on December 24 (usually with a maximum of about six people in the cinema), eat a very expensive chocolate-topped icecream and think about the chaos happening outside around the roads and the malls, where people are hot and get that tense, hunted look in their eyes as they search for last minute gifts.

We also have an obsession with having the house and garden looking particularly spiffing for Christmas Day - hence the rush on tradespeople from now. I find this hard to understand as within 15 minutes of the toddlers of the family arriving, the carpets are covered in cheeseballs and chips.

Most of the rellies who turn up for the Big Day are frequent visitors anyhow and if you don't believe in housework, they will have already grasped that fact.

For four years, I lived in Cairo, where December 25 passes very quietly - or as quietly as any day can in chaotic Cairo. The majority of the Christian population are Coptic Christians who celebrate Christmas on January 7. I used to gather a few expats together, but it just wasn't the same.

And I really missed that mad build-up in the weeks before.

Robyn Yousef is an Auckland writer