KEY POINTS:
The woman who survived Roger Kahui's terrifying 4 1/2-hour sex attack is determined not to let the convicted rapist ruin her life.
"Some mornings all I want to do is lie in bed and pull the duvet over my head and hope the world will go away. But to give into that would be to let him beat me and I'm determined not to let that happen.
"I really do feel that's what it comes down to. I don't want him to beat me."
The woman, whom we can identify only as Denise, spoke to the Herald yesterday afternoon after Kahui was convicted on 26 charges.
They included rape, sexual violation and kidnapping and related to the night he forced his way into the administration manager's Pukekohe home in June last year.
As she gave evidence at the trial last week, Denise recalled in detail how Kahui subjected her to a night of indecencies, most of which occurred while her head was covered by a pillowcase.
He then forced her into a car, planning to find an ATM and withdraw money from her account.
But she escaped and ran to a petrol station screaming, "Please call the police. I've just been raped".
Denise said she relied on a "strong sense of survival" to get her through that night, one in which she believed Kahui was going to kill her.
Since the attack, she says, she has lost a lot of her independence. She doesn't like being alone and her trust in people has been affected.
"I opened the door that night thinking I was safe and nobody would ever hurt me ... but I have learned now that bad things can happen to me."
She is trying to remain strong and move on with her life, something that was made easier when the jury believed her and convicted Kahui.
Yesterday, as the first of 26 guilty verdicts was read out, Denise allowed herself a small smile.
On the second guilty verdict her bottom lip trembled as she clutched her sister in the back of the court.
On the third, she broke down.
"It was just a huge sense of relief," she said. "I have read the papers over the last few months about the low rate of convictions for rape cases and that did prey on my mind. But, I always knew we had a really strong case. Thank God they saw the evidence and they got the right verdict."
Denise said her friends and family had been a huge support, and the police had also played a major role in her recovery.
"They have just been magnificent through all of this. They have never once judged me or questioned whether or not what I was telling them was the truth. They have just treated me with the upmost compassion."
One of the reasons Denise agreed to speak to the Herald was so she could speak publicly about the support she had in filing her complaint with the police, to encourage other women to come forward following a rape.
"Just stay strong and don't be afraid to go to the police," she said. "They will treat you with the respect you deserve. I have never regretted going to the police."
The officer in charge of the case, Detective Senior Sergeant Neil Grimstone, said Denise was an "incredibly brave and strong" woman during the attack and in subsequent months.
Not only did she survive the ordeal but she had the presence of mind to leave evidence that later helped police catch Kahui.
"She's such an intelligent woman that even though she was in a life-or-death situation she had the wherewithall, the thought, to try and leave as much evidence for the police, even though she thought she was going to die."
Mr Grimstone had little to say about Kahui and what he did.
"It is about [Denise] and what she managed to do and how she got through it," he said.
"What he did to her and what she went through, no one should ever be subjected to.
"It was an unbelievable, sustained, brutal, depraved attack, and the way she has been able to carry herself and try to recover is just an absolute credit to her and her family and obviously the support she has had."
Denise hopes the sentencing in October will give her the final closure she needs to be able to "pick myself up, dust myself off and get on with life".
"To do anything else would be allowing him to win, and I simply won't give him the satisfaction."
