Professional distance

Delivering bad news to employees is never easy.

But it's even harder when those staff members have become your friends over the years, says Dr Dave George, director of the organisational psychology practice Cerno.

"It makes it very difficult because you have a staff member with a set of expectations and [who] probably feels highly aggrieved if somebody they see as a friend turns around and gives them some news that they don't want to hear," George says.

Whether the manager is telling someone they've been made redundant or they're delivering the results of a bad performance review, the rules are the same. They should give them the news in a way where the message is clear and definitive but still makes the employees feel as though their concerns are being considered.

When delivering bad news to staff, managers need to anticipate the impact on each individual. But if the manager and staff member are friends, it's even trickier.

"In some cases people make it quite clear they are going to have to step back from the friendship component because they will find it more difficult to be a manager if they try and maintain the friendship."

Managers have the responsibilities for motivating people, creating a vision for the team, providing leadership, setting clear expectations for performance and running performance appraisals.

Managers should ask themselves if they can carry out these tasks while still acting as a friend and an advocate for someone on their staff. Chances are something will have to give. George says to ask yourself some questions.

"If I get alongside these particular people or if I go out on the town with them, how will that make it harder or easier (but generally harder) if I have to sit down with them and tell them that they could possibly be redundant, or have to give them performance feedback that's negative?"

Friendship can also be a concern with everyday workplace issues. If a friendship is used as a factor in decision-making, feathers quickly become ruffled.

"You can't be an organisational representative and then bias decisions in favour of an individual because of friendship. You're dead in the water as a manager in that respect. You lose the respect of other staff members, your peers and your own boss."

But part of being a good leader is knowing your staff to a certain degree. George says it's fine to have friendships with staff as long as boundaries are set. You can wear two hats in dealing with the same person as long as it's clear which role you are in at any one time.

"The advice that we would give people is around maintaining professional boundaries. In real simple terms it's actually like, 'How do they achieve a workable balance between interacting informally, the friendship side and maintaining those professional boundaries?"'

How it works in each situation obviously depends on the individuals involved. But as small as New Zealand is, it is often the case where someone promoted to management already has friendships with staff they have worked with as a peer.

"It's often difficult when an individual as a team member is promoted to be the manager of the group and their role changes."

George says these changes need to be clearly communicated so team members will know that a certain degree of the relationship has shifted from friendship to management.

"We've come across a range of circumstances and situations where people can maintain very warm and positive friendships with people but also play their role as a manager. It's a matter of actually signalling when they are being what."

Workplaces in New Zealand tend to be friendlier than in some other countries because of the informality of the workplace. Stewart Forsyth, psychologist with FX Management, points to international research which shows followers in New Zealand prefer a low social distance between their leader and themselves. This can make dealing out bad news such as redundancies that much more difficult.

"You have to front the announcement, the formal farewells and negotiate the reference and other support."

If managers want to lower their risks of being a target for aggression, they also might want to enlist the services of a specialist.

If a manager has to deliver a redundancy notice to someone who is a friend, as in any relationship, the split can go one of two ways. Either the relationship will be soured or the two parties will accept what has to happen and can remain in contact with each other.

"You can separate on good terms. The degree to which those terms are good is more or less determined by the stance of the organisation in terms of communication."

Contact David Maida at: www.DavidMaida.com