Weblinks: Elections '99

By Peter Sinclair

It's a moot point which makes the greater demand on the adrenaline reserves of the nation: a Rugby World Cup [www.rwc99.com] or a General Election [www.elections.org.nz/elections/index.html]; and this year one shades into the other.

Cyberspace is becoming a vital strategic area of the political battleground. During elections a party's website has only one purpose: to present itself and its policies in such a way as to persuade the transient surfer to vote for them.

How well do ours achieve this aim? The Sleuth, representing today's part-bored, part-fearful floating voter of no fixed convictions, has tried to establish their ratings on his Plausibility Index, from 0 [hopelessly unpersuasive] to 10 [hypnotically convincing]…

ACT [www.act.org.nz]: Principles and Objectives strike exactly the right notes – crisp, bracing, and above all vague [Foreign Affairs and Defence: "our… policy has not yet been converted into HTML" is both novel and statesmanlike].

Richard Prebble in comforting poses; notably the one, more or less compulsory in New Zealand politics, which involves standing in front of some nice clean sheep talking to a man of the land. Effect subverted by blue balloon hovering overhead which declares "NZ Deserves Better!" The uncommitted voter may find such candour refreshing:

PI 6.

Alliance [www.alliance.org.nz]: drop-down lists abound on this highly interactive site, including a menu of downloadable policies. The tone throughout is one of sweet reason, tugging your heartstrings while picking your pocket. The Soviet stars indicating links are a worry, but Jim Anderton's slightly carnivorous smile would make him anyone's favourite commissar:
PI 7.

Aotearoa Legalise Cannabis Party [www.alcp.org.nz]:
I was half-expecting a touch of facetiousness here, but there's nothing stoned about this single-issue site, the only one daring to inhale. Invokes Magna Carta, the Bill of Rights, the Treaty of Waitangi and the Human Rights Act:

PI 6.

Christian Heritage [www.chp.org.nz]: coherent manifesto but its candidate's links, like the Lord Himself, move in mysterious ways. Favourite son: serial MP Frank Grover [National, Liberal, Alliance]:

PI 4

Communist Party [http://home.clear.net.nz/pages/cpa]: its masthead wallpaper [gulag-style wire mesh] is perhaps ill-chosen. Strongly internationalist [Turkish earthquakes are a capitalist plot], with vintage invective: "Death Throws [sic] of the US-Shipley Clique…":

PI 1.

Greens [www.greens.org.nz]: dominated by a mutant toad, which for one surreal split-second I mistook for a candidate. Forget any ideas you had about fey tree-huggers – a slickly professional site:

PI 7

McGillicuddy Serious [http://user.hk.linkage.net/~clarke]: you'll find its tempting regressionist menu, featuring Sautéed Filet de Web and General Information in a White Wine Sauce, somewhat low on calories. Last chance to vote for the tartan taonga:

PI 0, proud of it…

National [www.national.org.nz]: like the Government itself, this website does most things right yet remains uncompelling. Offers stark alternatives: "Go forward with National or stagnate in the past!" – and you find yourself seriously evaluating the second option:

PI 5

Natural Law [www.naturallaw.org.nz]: as concerned with unmutated food as the Greens, its only real point of difference seems to be the Maharishi Effect and a squadron of Yogic Flyers to decrease burglary:

PI 0

NZ First [www.nzfirst.org.nz]: policies currently very incomplete, but such promises as there are glisten enticingly with pork grease:

PI 7

Labour [www.labour.org.nz]: stunning website, stunning leader – Helen Clark, PhotoShopped into gorgeousness, eyes blue as a Siamese cat's, is presented as lusciously electable. And of course it wouldn't be Labour if it wasn't toying with the idea of taxing the Net:

PI 8

United [www.united.org.nz]: Peter Dunne continues to ride the MMP gravy-train. His policies simmer the finest liberal ingredients without achieving any discernable flavour:

PI 3

The Maori seem to have taken to the hills, so their policies could not be assessed. But on the evidence available, the Sleuth will stick to his tried and true technique of tactical voting: the close-your-eyes, stab-it-with-a-ballpoint method.

For let us heed the wisdom of Anon: "politicians are like nappies; both need changing regularly, and for the same reason…"

Comments: petersinclair@email.com