Prime Minister Christopher Luxon nearly ate dirt while taking part in a women's rugby event at a stadium in Nuku'alofa, Tonga while at the Pacific Islands Forum. Photo / Adam Pearse
Imagine the headlines.
“New Zealand PM breaks ankle in rugby drill, forced to miss pivotal leaders meeting”.
“Kiwi PM rips hamstring trying to goosey a teenage rugby player”.
“Luxon tears groin, immediately flies home for urgent surgery”.
All were in play as Prime Minister Christopher Luxon lined up 13-year-old Siutiti Fonua in a one-on-one rugby drill in Teufaiva Stadium in Tonga’s capital of Nuku’alofa today.
He was there to celebrate New Zealand giving Tonga $110,000 to help support its women’s rugby programme but soon found himself with ball in hand, bearing down on the island nation’s next generation of rugby superstars.
For context and to his credit, Luxon is usually willing to give something a go if he’s at an event, so much so he’ll sometimes try to rope in the media so he’s not the only one being thrown in the deep end.
However, that attitude comes with risks and they were certainly present today when he took to the greasy field in his black dress shoes.
Luxon’s wife Amanda, who was also in Tonga, would have been all too aware of the consequences. She’s previously spoken of her husband’s tendency to injure himself in physical activity over the holidays.
Also in the minds of his staff were the infamous sporting endeavours of former Prime Ministers Boris Johnson and Scott Morrison, who both knocked children over in sport-related events during their times as leader.
Nevertheless, Luxon grabbed a ball and lined up for a simple passing drill with some of Tonga’s teenage club players.
One girl prompted great laughter as, instead of passing to Luxon as the drill dictated, she dummied her pass and beat her defender, leaving the Prime Minister hanging.
He ran through the drill a few times, exhibiting tremendous facial expressions as he did so.
At any other event, that would have been enough but he was summoned to go again – this time in a one-on-one challenge to beat the defender, Fonua.
Anticipation among the press pack was high. Anything could happen. At the very least, it was expected Luxon’s stepping skills would be overcome by the fleet-footed Fonua.
Rounding the cone and heading towards Fonua, Luxon pulled out two goose steps before a left-foot step, and then one off his right.
Unfortunately, his efforts were less akin to Christian Cullen than he might have hoped.
His gooseys were largely ineffective and the stepping almost led to Luxon losing his balance and crashing into the ground, face-first.
Somehow, he stayed on his feet and managed to pass some pretty light defence from Fonua, who showed foreign relations skills beyond her years by letting Luxon past.
Luxon’s relief was palpable. Journalists’ hopes for calamity were dashed.
The purpose of the event will prompt questions but its sentiment will be welcomed.
It’s doubtful how far $110,000 goes in making a meaningful difference to the quality and size of women’s rugby in Tonga.
However, it was only seven years ago Tonga’s education minister banned girls from playing rugby because it wasn’t seen as decent for girls that age to wear shorts – a history noted during today’s event.
Adam Pearse is a political reporter in the NZ Herald Press Gallery team, based at Parliament. He has worked for NZME since 2018, covering sport and health for the Northern Advocate in Whangārei before moving to the Herald in Auckland, covering Covid-19 and crime.
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