Speaker's patience sorely tested

VROOM, vroom. Parliament briefly sounded like a Hell's Angels convention yesterday as a chorus of revving noises greeted Phil Goff's appearance during question time.

Some bright spark on National's side of the House had come up with this not-so-subtle means of lampooning the Labour leader, who made a naff attempt at "humanising" his image by turning up at his party's conference last weekend on a large Triumph motorcycle.

Before you could say "on yer bike Phil", members across National's backbenches were doing their best impression of a motorcycle exhaust system.

The result sounded more like the growls of a lion suffering toothache than the thomp-thomp of a finely tuned hog. But it was too much for the Speaker in any shape or form.

"Cut the ridiculous noise," ordered Lockwood Smith, making one of many interventions during what was to be one of the more testing afternoons he has faced in the chair.

His patience was further stretched by Labour's Maryan Street. Having quizzed Education Minister Anne Tolley on the future of adult education courses, Street sought leave to table copies of three speeches. What was unique about her request was that the speeches were ones she had delivered.

It is no secret the Speaker is frustrated by the amount of precious parliamentary time taken up with members trying to table freely available documents simply to make a political point. The exercise is pointless as opponents almost always deny leave.

Knowing the innate penchant for MPs to engage in self-promotion, Smith would have viewed Street's request with particular horror. He was certainly determined to nip things in the bud.

"Members give speeches endlessly up and down this country and I think tabling them would be a practice that would be unhelpful."

However, Smith's lengthy plea was promptly and pointedly ignored by Labour's Lianne Dalziel who, as soon as he had finished, sought leave to table a speech she had made a week ago on the subject of adult education.

She was followed by no fewer than four Labour colleagues seeking to table letters they had written dealing with funding cuts to adult education courses.

If all this said something about the state of relations between Labour and the Speaker, it was confirmed when Trevor Mallard sought an assurance that Smith be consistent in his rulings.

"I choose to ignore the member ... We will go on," Smith replied testily.

Moving on, however, brought more exasperation when it was the turn of the Greens' Sue Kedgley to ask questions, in her case on obesity rates. She did not want to table one of her speeches. She wanted to table some junk food purchased from a school canteen.

"Is the member seriously asking the House to grant leave to table some food items?" Smith asked with a mixture of disbelief and exasperation. Kedgley was serious. Told there was a precedent, Smith backed away. Someone objected. The food did not make it to the table.

When it finally finished, question time had run half-an-hour overtime. The Speaker could at least console himself that no one had tried to table a motorcycle.