James Griffin: Re: Potshots from the Chamber

James Griffin. Photo / Dean Purcell

FROM: Hon Dr Lockwood Smith, Speaker of the House of Representatives TO: All Members of the House of Representatives

RE: The writing and passing of notes within Parliament In the wake of the unfortunate events of recent times, involving the now Rather-Less-Than-Honourable Member for Te Atatu, I feel an opportune moment is upon us to reflect upon the whole practice of note-passing within the parliamentary environment.

And please do not try and tell me that Mr Carter's actions were his and his alone and/or were a rather strange cry for help. Because it is my belief that the note Chris Carter passed that day was, in fact, indicative of a culture in which the passing of anonymous notes has become endemic.

Members of this esteemed House, you should not be looking at our soon-to-be-former colleague and thinking "what a numbskull". Instead, you should be looking closely at yourselves and saying "there, but for the grace of God and a scintilla of common sense, go I". There is, I am afraid, a little bit of Chris Carter within you all.

As Speaker of the House, let me remind you that I sit up the front, on a big, high chair, looking back at you, as you go about your parliamentary business - so I see the notes. I see them being passed along the rows - from Member to Member; often crossing party lines in their little journeys of mirth around the debating chamber. I see the sniggerers; I see the ones who choose to add to the notes their own little comments or doodled embellishments. And I see the ones who pocket the notes for their own nefarious uses at a later date.

In short, duly elected representatives of the people of New Zealand (and also the List MPs) I have been watching you. And, what is more, I have in possession many examples of the sorts of notes that seem to take up more and more of our valuable debating time. Sometimes these notes are handed to me by Members who feel, as I do, that the dignity of this House is under attack. Some I find screwed up, on the debating floor, when I stay late to tidy up. And what a sorry story these notes tell. What a sad reflection they are upon those who are allegedly the best and brightest of this land. Yes, we all know the word "member" is, in slang circles, synonymous with "penis" but the number of notes being passed around along the lines of "Xxxx is a total member, am I right?" is simply embarrassing.

Even worse are the ones with added illustrations - just in case we didn't get the point already. Honestly, it's the sort of levels of infantilism we expect from Paul Henry, not duly-elected Members of Parliament. But this, I'm afraid, is the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the juvenile nature of parliamentary note-passing. Yes, we know the consensus is that Nikki Kaye is the hottest MP, and yes, in some lights Roger Douglas does indeed look like one of the living dead, but is it really necessary to put these thoughts on paper and pass them around the Chamber?

And need I mention the hurt inflicted by the "who ate all the pies" campaign directed at the Honourable Member for Ikaroa-Rawhiti?

And, let me remind you, the truth is not a defence when it comes to stupid, childish behaviour.

And as for the less-than-helpful suggestions about what (and who) the Honourable Gerry Brownlee could mine instead of Conservation Land - really, people, I know it gets boring in here at times, but is such speculation really the best way to occupy our minds? Personally, I will never be able to look at the Honourable Minister for the Rugby World Cup in the same way ever again.

Yes, I am aware that Mr Carter's note was intended not for consumption within the House but for circulation in the media. And yes, I understand it was a misguided attempt to ferment that time-honoured political tradition: the leadership coup. But this only makes it worse, people, because the first rule of Parliament has always been: what goes on in the Chamber stays in the Chamber.

Thus I strongly urge all Members to ensure that the standard of behaviour in the House does not decline any further.

I would hate for us to have to return to the Dark Ages, to the time of the Muldoon Government, when the parliamentary whips had actual whips and the parliamentary torture chamber in the basement was still in operation.

Don't make me go there, or you will be the ones going there - if you follow my drift.

Regards,
Honourable Dr Lockwood Smith, Speaker of the House of Representatives.