KEY POINTS:
Budget Day, and Michael Cullen has promised the populace that this year he will make the transition from Scrooge to Santa.
He's promised the presents won't be big, but nonetheless it's an historic occasion so his party have all dressed up to remind him that today he is in Santa mode and must dig into the sack.
Many of the women MPs wear Santa-suit red, which is conveniently the same colour as Labour's own branding. The men have red ties, barring Shane Jones, who will surely be sent to the naughty mat for wearing one suspiciously close to National blue.
Finally Dr Cullen delivers. There is much mention of the "Kiwi family" and frequent reference to Dr Cullen's great wisdom in squirreling away all the taxpayers' nuts in those summery years just so he could dispense them with such largesse now.
Despite having to utter the terrible words "cash deficit", there are indeed tax cuts, even for the "rich pricks" like John Key.
It takes National leader Key some time to get over the shock of seeing Dr Cullen actually utter "tax cuts".
"After nine years of putting off tax cuts, I heard him read out the words," he marvels.
Finally he gets to the point. It is not the chewing-gum Budget this time - it's been upsized to the cheddar Budget.
"Labour will get a revival before going to the polls, it thinks, having given the average worker of New Zealand a family sized block of cheese. That is what the tax cut is worth.
"New Zealanders have waited nine years and they will get a family-sized block of cheese. They will get two blocks before the election and they are meant to be grateful," says Key.
After berating Dr Cullen at length, he says, "I want to talk about National's plan."
The bold announcement is greeted with glee by Labour, who have long been asking about National's plan. Some National MPs also look curious to know about their plan.
Mr Key advises Labour MPs to listen up "because they may well be beneficiaries of it". All are to be disappointed. National's plan consists of "tax cuts are a priority".
Followed by the equally illuminating statement that, "Under National, New Zealanders will do better."
Mr Key ends by promising that "in five months and two blocks of cheese" the citizenry may well be able to benefit from this cunning plan of his, should they vote for him.
NZ First leader Winston Peters isn't impressed by Key's offer. Today is his day to shine, because Dr Cullen's generosity has offered less for the average worker than for Mr Peters' election brag sheet. There is $46 more a week for married couples on pensions as well as extra offerings for the Super Gold Card.
But, somehow, Michael Cullen had left out the tax-free threshold NZ First wanted. He had also forgotten to reduce GST to 10 per cent. NZ First is promising much better, Mr Peters says.
* PARTY LEADERS' REACTIONS
John Key, National
Michael Cullen says he will give the average wage earner $16 a week - the equivalent of a family-size block of cheese - a couple of weeks out from the election. New Zealanders will just see this as the desperate and cynical move it is. Labour's move is all about survival, not a sense of real priorities about New Zealand's future direction.
Winston Peters, NZ First
Much of the good news in the Budget flows on from our confidence and supply agreement, including increased superannuation, free off-peak travel, and subsidies for hearing aids. We want a tax-free threshold of $5200 and GST reduced to 10 per cent. The Budget should have included tax policies to promote export growth and retain local industries.
Jeanette Fitzsimons, Green Party Co-Leader
This Budget is shortsighted. It all but ignores the environment, does little to prepare New Zealanders for the end of cheap oil, ignores the needs of students and fails to tackle some of the biggest issues that we as a nation are facing. The Government has ignored the 61 per cent of New Zealanders who have said they would rather not have tax cuts if it could result in cuts to social spending like health, benefits and education.
Pita Sharples, Maori Party Co-Leader
A $4 billion tax package is all well and good, but there is so much more to do to address inequalities and need. The tax cuts will relieve pressures on many families, but we really wanted to see a much greater emphasis on eliminating poverty - and this Budget doesn't do that.
Peter Dunne, United Future
The tax cuts are long overdue, but not the full answer. There is still the unfinished business of the differing top personal, business and trust rates. These cuts are a dividend to hard-working families for the economic good times. They cannot be a down-payment on increases in the cost of living caused by the emissions trading scheme.
Rodney Hide, Act
The Finance Minister's tax cuts are baby steps in the right direction - but too little, too late. They do not compensate for the high taxes Labour has imposed, or the high interest rates it has inflicted on New Zealanders. The trouble with Dr Cullen's Budgets is that they are all about carving up the economy cake rather than baking a bigger one.
