John Armstrong: Balloons, backsides and barmy plots

With about 130 foreign MPs from more than 60 countries watching from Parliament's public galleries yesterday, Speaker Jonathan Hunt was no doubt hoping those under his charge would impress with the high calibre of their speeches and the intellectual rigour of their arguments.

It was a forlorn hope.

What instead turned out to be an afternoon of silliness was topped off by NZ First's Peter Brown declining to bend over and lean into his microphone because there were members who happened to be rugby players sitting behind him.

The heated debate over the Civil Union Bill was clearly getting to Mr Brown - and in more ways than one.

He had already astonished Parliament with his theory that this measure - more specifically, the decision to rush it into law this week - was a gigantic plot by the Government to camouflage tomorrow's Supreme Court hearing on whether Ahmed Zaoui should be granted bail.

With all the fuss over civil unions, Mr Brown ventured the media might not notice Mr Zaoui being released from prison.

So staggered was the Prime Minister by this extraordinary claim that - to hoots of laughter - she suggested that the only thing that could be more weird would be Mr Zaoui applying for a civil union.

However, Mr Zaoui had already stamped his mark on the day's proceedings by then.

MPs had barely taken their seats when there was a gunshot-like bang at the back of the chamber.

This turned out to be nothing more serious than an exploding balloon, one of several brought to the House by Green MPs highlighting Mr Zaoui's two-year incarceration to the Parliamentarians for Global Action sitting above.

With his colleagues holding the remaining balloons aloft, Greens co-leader Rod Donald sought leave for a "non-controversial" motion to have Parliament extend its best wishes to Mr Zaoui on his 44th birthday.

This motion had as much chance of being heeded as did the balloons surviving the withering glare of the Speaker.

Miffed at the "silly" conduct of members in front of "distinguished visitors", Mr Hunt ordered the balloons' removal along with any MP unwise enough to cling onto one.

By coincidence, next up was a question regarding Mr Zaoui from NZ First, which, given the opportunity, would have the Algerian bound hand and foot to the next balloon departing Auckland International Airport.

This was the cue for Mr Brown's conspiracy theory which he rounded off by unsuccessfully seeking leave for Finance Minister Michael Cullen to buy Mr Zaoui a one-way ticket to anywhere he wanted to go.

Totally unfazed, Mr Brown then barged into a tussle over tax cuts between Don Brash and Helen Clark.

He had just begun asking a supplementary question when the Speaker told him to point the microphone on his desk towards him and start again.

Mr Brown, one of Parliament's taller members and a soccer fanatic, hesitated for a moment. "They wanted me to bend over down there, but there are rugby players behind." He did not elaborate. He did not need to.

It was the last straw for a mortified Mr Hunt. "I give up," he announced wearily.

Not long afterwards - as Bill English was taunting Steve Maharey for behaving like "a chihuahua savaging a wet lettuce leaf" - the overseas parliamentarians took their leave, no doubt having confirmed one thing from their New Zealand experience: that the MPs of foreign lands can behave just as badly as they do back home.