Here's an example of my internal monologue. I loathe National's education policy and what they have done with National Standards. But I can't stand the arrogance of teacher unions either. See? I'm stuck.
And I've been a business journalist so a pragmatic part of me can see that a stable centre-right government does have economic advantages. But I also feel for people who work the stop/go signs.
And I have the sense that the world is, for almost everyone, that over which we have virtually no control. Oh, for some internal consistency. (Takes dog for walk. Bumps into elegant Hitchcock Blonde neighbour. "Wasn't it a great result?" She assumes I'm as chuffed as she is. I suppose that is my fault for choosing to live in Parnell. I resist saying it may have been a great result for self-interest.)
I don't even know what I think. I know there are some sincere and thoughtful people in the National team - I know some of them and admire them. That makes it even harder not to sit on the fence.
I decide to ask Facebook friends for reaction to election result. Nick says everyone is sick of politics and I should write about kittens and dress patterns. "That's what I do every week, doll." Lauraine says: "We are all concerned about our own lives and need to admire, not find weaknesses in others."
Terry says there was a lack of tactical nous from the Left.
"If you want to persuade people you need to be reasonable and nice. People don't support parties which are foaming at the mouth and saying the opposition are all Nazis and Tory pricks.
"Also, parties change. The Labour Party of today is very different to David Lange's and Norman Kirk's. A party is not like a sports team."
Liz says: "There is so much more than money and self-interest, and ruthless but brilliant manipulation, that matters in this life ... or am I just a voice in the wilderness after this overwhelming mandate?"
Okay, here is what I do think. I think the election result shows that most people are terrified of the future and compliant; and when people are afraid and uncertain they react conservatively and want to maintain the status quo. I think many people are scared the housing bubble will pop and, understandably, they care most about their own financial situation.
I think there is a danger that the people who are not singing along with the "rockstar" economy will become bitter and twisted. I think the Nats need to guard against becoming arrogant and smug this term. But I also know this. Today, most people outside the Beltway will be continuing what we do: trying our individual best, day to day, trying to make good decisions, trying to look after our families, feeding our kids, and looking for the moments of ecstasy and joy to be found in ordinary everyday life. And at least now we will be able to do it without being shouted down all round.
