His fellow MP, Jenny Marcroft, later found the tooth (a false one) underneath Winston Peters’ chair and he wedged it back in with help from some chewing gum (no, I don’t know how that worked, either).
Illustration / Guy Body
It was quite symbolic of Jones’ Old Testament eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth approach to politics.
Moments of humour were fairly thin on the ground over the year, a year often marked by battles and acrimony, hīkoi, complaints and bad words.
Politics is supposed to be the battle of ideas, so here are the best of the battles of the year — with Jones in the middle of a fair few of them.
It started with Luxon ruling out supporting the bill beyond its first reading on Waitangi Day. Seymour questioned whether Luxon was genuine or would buckle in the face of public support.
Luxon brushed off the jabs to start with, putting it down to Seymour being Seymourish.
Prime Minister Christopher Luxon and Act leader David Seymour at Waitangi in 2024. Photo / Michael Cunningham
The issue has tainted Luxon’s relationship with the iwi leaders and wider Maoridom. It was without a doubt one of big factors in Luxon’s decision not to attend Waitangi on Waitangi Day — not least because it will be back in the headlines as public submissions get underway.
It is not the only issue responsible for all of that — but it is the one Luxon doesn’t particularly want to have to defend the Government over.
It ended with a very passive-aggressive exchange in Parliament, under the guise of “comedy.” That was in the adjournment debate this week, when Luxon joked (kind of) that Secret Santa had been difficult because Seymour had clamoured to take credit for every single present.
Seymour was not amused. His response was equally barbed, noting that the trouble was that the exterior wrapping on every present was blue, covering the pink (Act’s colour) that it should have been. Just jokes, we’re sure.
NZ First leader Winston Peters vs Te Pāti Māori wardrobe choices
While Maoridom was marching on Parliament in the thousands objecting to the Government’s various measures, Peters knew what the real issue was: Te Pāti Māori co-leader Rawiri Waititi’s wardrobe choices. Peters — a fan of the dapper suit and pocket square — delivered repeated lectures in Parliament about the standard of clothing worn by Te Pāti Māori and Green MPs.
“What we have got here is people walking in, t-shirts, sneakers, bare feet, lack of respect of the House, lack of respect for the country, and utter contempt.”
Winston Peters does not approve of the clothing worn by MPs, including Te Pāti Māori co-leaders Debbie Ngarewa-Packer and Rawiri Waititi. Photo / Mark Mitchell
It was a theme he returned to on many occasions. Waititi’s eventual response was not subtle. After Shane Jones also weighed in, Waititi suggested “”He can go and have a s***, to be honest, and Winston Peters.”
The most passionate speech Defence Minister Judith Collins delivered was in defence of the sunken HMNZS Manawanui’s commanding officer, Commander Yvonne Gray.
Gray had copped criticism from what Collins’ described as “armchair admirals” and Collins proceeded to slate it as sexist and “deeply misogynistic”.
“The one thing we know did not cause [the sinking] was the gender of the ship’s captain.”
Collins was quite right, the early investigation found it was human error because somebody neglected to turn the autopilot off.
Judith Collins vs Shane Jones
This was one battle Jones lost. Collins, the Attorney General, was charged with having a word to Jones about his repeated and robust critiques of decisions made by the judiciary and Waitangi Tribunal. It took one raised eyebrow (and Winston Peters also publicly scolding Jones) to shut him up.
Simeon Brown vs potholes
Rarely has a minister been able to milk as much publicity about one niche issue as Brown has with his war to eliminate potholes . Brown proved to be a marketing genius, treating the potholes as if they were criminals.
National Party leader Christopher Luxon and Simeon Brown look at potholes on the campaign in 2023. Photo / Alex Burton
Not for him boring names such as road maintenance fund. No, he had an entire Strike Force Pothole operation underway. He had a Potholes Fund and pothole patrol vehicles. He even set up an emergency call centre, promising help would arrive within 24 hours. As a result, pothole response times are probably better than police response times.
Then came the pothole patches: snazzy little numbers that are a quick pothole fix.
Which brings us to:
Police Minister Mark Mitchell vs gang patches
To get to the gang patches, Mitchell first had to battle through the advance guard of Justice Minister Paul Goldsmith and his squeamish justice officials, who seemed determined to rain on his parade. Mitchell won against the officials, who had watered down the search and seizure powers for police in the first version of the gang patch bill. A few robust conversations resulted in two last-minute amendments to the bill to allow police to search the homes of repeat offenders and to include private vehicles in the ban. Then came the battle against the gang members themselves.
It helped to have an entire police force in charge of enforcing it, rather than doing it himself. The first win landed four minutes after the ban kicked in. Despite the critiques leading up to the ban, the following weeks delivered some very quick and easy PR wins for Mitchell.
Te Pāti Māori vs David Seymour
The battle over the Treaty Principles Bill has not always been pretty — the rhetoric flying both ways has, at times, been very ugly. The dramatic high point was the haka in Parliament at the end of the first reading of the bill. Act and Te Pāti Māori were always going to be the ones who might benefit from the issue, while the other parties ducked for cover.
That proved true — especially for Te Pāti Māori. The party has consistently and effectively run opposition on the Treaty Principles Bill, managing to get a massive hīkoi along to Parliament and a bump in the polls.
Shane Jones and the Fast Track Approvals Bill protesters
Despite Education Minister Erica Stanford’s best efforts to overhaul the way the three R’s are taught, this contest consisted of a lot of unstructured literacy.
While others avoid protests, Jones likes to seek them out and take them on — and then put the video on his social media.
There was a memorable exchange as Jones headed into a mining meeting in Blackball — to which Jones took his own megaphone. At another, he asked to borrow former Green MP Catherine Delahunty’s megaphone, but was declined. Then there was the one on Lambton Quay — which made Jones late for his haircut.
Jones also continued his long-standing war with the Greens, or “the woke-riddled left” he considers a plague on the nation. He took aim at everything — from the keffiyeh the MPs wear to show solidarity with Palestine to their environmental policies.
David Seymour vs parents who like cheaper airfares for school holidays
One of Seymour’s worthy endeavours is his bid to improve school attendance, and in doing so he took a swipe at parents who pull their kids out of school a bit early to try to get cheaper airfares on overseas trips. Seymour did not approve, so has dangled the threat of prosecution and potential introduction of instant fines on parents responsible. That fine would have to be more than the price difference in flight ticket, but we’re sure he’s got that in hand.
Finance Minister Nicola Willis vs Winston Peters
Interislander Ferries.Willis nil, Peters one. For now. Tune in again in March next year, the deadline by which Peters has to come up with his much better proposal for the same amount of money.
