"First day ..." I continued, warming to the task, "I accidentally broke my sunglasses. Apparently it's a couple of hundred to replace the lens.
"The same morning," I continued, "I discovered the internet service was down, forcing me to hire a telecommunications expert to resolve the problem.
"It turned out that Spark had upgraded the local exchange, leaving my modem obsolete. Spent hundreds upgrading, plus the usual consultant costs.
"The following day, the kitchen InSinkErator fused the lights. I called in an electrician who diagnosed a faulty motor beyond repair.
"Cost of replacement and the electrician's services, plus a plumber to install a new unit, over a thousand bucks," I whimpered, as I recalled yet further problems needing plumbers.
"Woke the following morning to discover the toilet flushing system had packed up.
"Plumber back again to rebuild the unit, at a cost of $300," I continued, trying hard to keep a brave face as I related what happened next.
"On New Year's day my lawnmower finally blew up, requiring new pistons. Cost of repairs, about $450. Cheaper to buy a new mower, the repair agent told me as he nodded towards his shiny new stock.
"The following day we held a small dinner party and while serving pre-dinner drinks I casually leaned against a sideboard unit and, to everyone's surprise, shattered the white glass top.
"The caregiver estimates the replacement cost at $600," I said despondently.
"That incident was followed by discovering that my goldfish pond had inexplicably emptied itself overnight, a calamity for both my long established shoal of goldfish and my wallet.
"If I'm lucky, I might get away with a replacement pond pump motor for $250," I gloomily concluded.
"You poor old thing," my friend consoled me. "Can I buy you a drink?"
"Thank you, I'll settle for a beer to cry into," I mournfully suggested.
