Paula Bennett: Why I didn't put my hand up to be the mayor of Auckland

Paula Bennett worries about how teens cope with online abuse. Photo / 123rf

OPINION

Next week is Netsafety Week – I am speaking at a breakfast function tomorrow morning and in the invitation, the organisers say "during her time as an MP Paula Bennett faced relentless online abuse involving threats of violence against her and her family. Come along and listen to Paula's story about resilience and overcoming online abuse". I am a strong woman who knows she is loved and am blessed to be well supported by those who care for me, but for all that, there have been many times when my resilience has shattered and I definitely don't feel like I have "overcome online abuse". Even after my column last week about gossip and how it affects public figures it sparked a number of nasty comments – but it's all right; I just stopped reading and got on with my life. I do worry about younger people who are still growing and developing and have the usual teen anxiety – if a woman like me still feels it, then I can understand how many of them really struggle to cope.

A recent survey conducted by the eSafety Commissioner in Australia on Women in the Spotlight: How online abuse impacts women in their working lives had sobering statistics. One in three women surveyed had experienced online abuse, and the rate was higher for women with a public or media profile. Most of the abuse happened on social media and many acknowledged the negative impact it had on their mental wellbeing and personal confidence. Many women took a backwards step professionally, avoided leadership positions and stopped discussing topics they felt were inflammatory as a result of the abuse.

I can relate. One of the reasons I did not put my hand up to be the mayor of Auckland is because I couldn't be bothered coping with the relentless online abuse. Yes, I still get a bit now but I can choose not to read it. The difference is that when you hold public office the lies and abuse are more frequent and you can't shut yourself away from it. You have a responsibility to stay engaged and an important part of being a representative of the people is to listen and stay in touch. Right now I can ignore it, and if I want, I can tell some people to bugger off – much harder to do when you are in a high-profile public role – your only choice is to suck it up and ignore it.

The threats of violence were real and I always reported them to Police. The fact my family genuinely worried about me also put me off going for another public service role – they've been through enough. I recall getting a very distressed phone call from my then 12-year-old asking where I was repeatedly. Once I calmed her down she told me that she had read online how someone was going to come to my next public appearance and hurt me. I know that there will be people that will comment that I am looking for sympathy and it would be easier not to write about it and start another slew of negativity. But in Netsafe's awareness week, we have a responsibility to speak out if we can, to let people know they're not alone and to point them in the direction of netsafe.org.nz which has some really useful information on how we can keep ourselves, our children and our employees safe.

Paula Bennett is a former Deputy Prime Minister and National Party politician who now works at Bayleys Real Estate as national director-customer engagement.