Paula Bennett: Gender equality is vital but not at the expense of our boys

Male role models are vital but Celia Lashlie says that by the time a boy enters Year 9, it is highly likely that he will not have had a male teacher. Photo / 123rf

OPINION

A couple of weeks ago on the back of International Women’s Day, I wrote about my celebrations and reflections on women and girls. I received a lot of feedback, most of it positive and surprisingly mostly from men, thanking me for celebrating them at the end of my column. It got me thinking about our men and boys. It got me listening to the great Celia Lashlie and the challenges our boys go through. It got me having different conversations with our dads, educators and boys and men about where they fit in.

Are we leaving our boys and men behind as we strive for women’s rights? Have our males lost their voice as we seek gender equality? Would a male be shouted down for even asking these questions in today’s world? It often feels like our boys and men have to apologise first for their gender and privilege before even being able to enter into a debate.

Focusing on the struggles of men and boys does not take away from the struggle of women and girls. It is all relative. I consider myself a feminist and will stick up for women’s rights every chance I get – but I don’t feel I have to drag men down to see women lifted up.

However, I have been reflecting on my own words and behaviour over the last couple of weeks and have definitely found that my jokes are often at the expense of men. I get away with saying gendered jokes that, if reversed, a male would be thought of very negatively. I haven’t raised a son, only a daughter – although I am raising my husband. See, reverse that, if my husband said he was raising his wife it would read very badly. Me funny. Him bad.

One guy I know was having issues with a woman at work. It was about her performance and sounded justified. He said every time he tried to talk to her about it she threw gender into the discussion to the point that he felt he had to back off. She silenced him through fear. Some women will be shouting about now and saying this has been happening to women forever. Yep, it still doesn’t make it right.

I worry about our males. They are three times more likely to die by suicide than females, they are 30 per cent more likely to die from cancer than females and less likely to get custody of their children in a partnership break-up. Of those currently studying at Auckland University, 62 per cent are female – go girls! But are we really happy with a 62/38 per cent ratio?

We still believe in male characteristics of toughness and stoicism and instil this in boys. While the stereotype that boys are strong still gets said, we no longer infer that our girls are weak. In fact, we overemphasize their strength to try and raise strong independent women.

We need to do the right thing for our boys. We need to accept that they learn differently than our girls. They take longer to develop and mature and are being left behind. Celia Lashlie stated that by the time a boy enters Year 9, it is highly likely that he will not have had a male teacher. Male role models are vital. The push for equality is vital, let’s just make sure it is not at the expense of our boys.

Paula Bennett is a former Deputy Prime Minister and National Party politician who now works at Bayleys Real Estate as national director-customer engagement.