Parents grieve loss of 'Pumpkin'

Agnes Bowie

Agnes Chua Bowie never got to attend her first school ball. She never even saw the ballgown bought by her aunt in Japan, intended as a surprise gift next July.

The 15-year-old died after a car driven by her friend lost control on a Piha bend, flipping upside down into the Marawhara Stream.

Don and Rita Bowie still do not understand how they lost their only daughter. The day was clear, the bend - although sharp - was signposted with a speed advisory of 35km/h.

Floral tributes, notes and mementos mark the crash site - 20m from where a similar accident happened in October 1994.

Mrs Bowie remembers that fateful Monday. Her "pumpkin" had just completed her first NCEA assessments, and her friend - a girl she'd known since they were both 2 - came to pick her up.

"That morning when she left, I'm crying, and crying. I don't know what is the reason, I'm just crying in bed. I didn't want her to go."

She remembers Agnes seeing her crying, and then waving goodbye. At 5pm, two police officers and a victim support worker came up the drive of their New Lynn home.

Mr Bowie said Agnes' friend was still on her learner's licence.

"We all survived our adolescence, but only just. You're invincible when you're 16," he said.

But the couple have gone beyond anger.

"At the moment, I feel numb. I can't feel anything," said Mrs Bowie.

They take heart from the tributes that flowed, and from meeting the countless friends they never knew Agnes had. They spoke of her outgoing nature, her sense of humour and good heart.

"She packed quite a bit into her 15 years," said Mr Bowie.

Her mother remembers the good student who only wanted to fit in.

A teacher once offered to move her to a class for gifted English students.

"She attended only once - after that she didn't want to go because she didn't want people to call her a nerd. 'I don't want to be different, mum.'

"She just went once, just for mummy's sake."

Christmas will be hard for the couple and their other child, Alastair, 11.

"I'm trying to be strong," said Mrs Bowie. "But I know that I can't see my pumpkin again."