Parent trap conundrum

By VIKKI BLAND

When Ray and Janet Scrymegeour's baby Mikayla was 4 months old the couple agreed that Janet, an account manager for a software company, would return to work.

For Ray, a technical manager for Telecom New Zealand, the decision to put his young daughter in daycare was difficult - and one he ultimately didn't make. Instead, he asked Telecom if he could take five of the 12 months of parental leave allocated to a new parent by law.

Telecom agreed. Because his wife had used only four months, Scrymegeour eventually extended his parental leave to eight months.

"Telecom was really good about it. They covered my [absence] with contractors and they actually thought it was a great opportunity for me.

"Janet earns more money than I do and, as well as being important to her, her career involves a lot of customer contact," says Scrymegeour.

Elizabeth Kirby, a 38-year-old business marketing manager, says she can't imagine not working.

"My career is important to me. When you're at home [with a new baby] you think 'do I really want to go back to work?' But you know you will. You wouldn't be happy if the job wasn't waiting."

Kirby took maternity leave for the birth of son Sam. When he was 6 weeks old, she began interviewing nannies and returned to work after three months.

"I moved back to fulltime work quite quickly. It was important for me in terms of maintaining work continuity."

Kirby says employing a nanny is financially challenging, but she needed to know her child would be cared for at home before she felt comfortable returning to work.

For parents who have taken years to acquire qualifications and build up work experience, maintaining a career after having children is likely to be about more than just money.

But what do most employers think about parents who take 12 months off to be with a new baby, an extra week off to attend a school camp, a few hours to get to a sports game? What do colleagues think? Can being a parent hurt a career?

Allan Fursdon, employment relations consultant for the Employment Management Association, says it can.

"Many employers avoid appointing women of child-bearing age to key positions.

"These [negative] attitudes are because lots of parents take maternity leave and don't come back. The employer has to first attract someone to a temporary role, and then make a permanent replacement with just a few months' notice."

One mother working for a multinational company says she has felt the disapproval of colleagues and can understand how employers feel.

"People still get frowned upon for putting work aside for parenting commitments. And look, it's a big load for employers. If I were an employer interviewing candidates, I'd be asking women over and over again 'is your biological clock ticking?'."

Smaller employers also struggle to meet parental leave and support requirements. One West Auckland service company closed its doors late last year, citing the cost of leave compliance.

"By the time I'd paid for sick leave, holiday leave, bereavement leave and maternity and paternity leave, the company had to leave," says the managing director.

Susan Doughty, senior consultant for remuneration specialists Higbee-Shaffler, has observed such problems up close. "Smaller employers already have too much to fund. There are health and safety requirements, human rights, bereavement and holiday leave, and maternity requirements.

"I think tax breaks would help; [the Government] needs to realise employers today are switched on to the fact that family-friendly workplaces retain people."

Dave Thompson, father of two girls and consulting services director for Microsoft New Zealand, agrees. He says employers want to hold on to talented people and realise that means making adjustments for parents.

"However, parents have to take more responsibility for negotiating life balance terms and expectations with their employer in advance."

Kirby works flexible hours as well as one day from home and says her employers have empowered her.

"It's like they've said 'if this is what it takes to make Elizabeth a good employee, then that's what we'll do for her'."

While some may scoff at what they see as "parent pandering" smart employers know that talented types aren't likely to stop having children any time soon.

Mark Blackham, director for communications consultants Senate Communications Counsel, is father to twin boys and a baby girl. He says he worked for several employers with varying degrees of commitment to parents before opting to run his own family-friendly business with like-minded colleagues.

Having children is "all consuming" and can introduce new stresses to a career, Blackham says.

"You suddenly have this obligation and duty to provide for your children and that's when stress and tension can come in.

"After having children, suddenly all my options narrowed and I kept seeing this hallway of closed doors. But I didn't mind being in that hallway."

Thompson says balancing work and family is a bit like running two bank accounts.

"If you're too far in credit in your family account and your work account keeps getting debited, that's not fair on the employer and vice versa for the family."

However, whatever way career parents choose to balance their commitment books, without fulltime childcare one parent's career will inevitably take a back seat.

Both Blackham and Thompson admit their wives' careers have been compromised, and Scrymegeour says he won't be able to gauge the effect of his time at home until he gets back to his career.

"Information technology moves fast, so I'll have a lot of catching up to do. I've missed out on a lot of projects I'd have liked to be involved in."

Doughty, who has been HR manager for Tower Corporation, American Express, and Westpac Bank, says while a woman's career is often more compromised by parenting, it's a choice many women make.

"I knew I wanted kids, so my focus was to get to a point in my career where I could leave it and then return to it.

"I was quite ambitious; I wanted to get to a senior level so I wouldn't have to start at the bottom rung again. Right now I'm happy to maintain my place on the ladder and be with my boys, rather than keep climbing."

Suzanne Hanson, Cisco Corporation's New Zealand marketing director, is still climbing the ladder. Her husband, a former production manager for a furniture company, is a fulltime parent.

"So I have the job and the guilt," quips Hanson.

Hanson says her son is happy but sometimes needs her rather than his father. Initially her husband struggled with life at home.

"There aren't the networking opportunities for home-based men that there are for women. So initially my husband was quite isolated and Kristian wasn't very sociable."

She says while these problems have been resolved, the couple have agreed not to have more children.

"With my career, there just isn't the time," Hanson says.

Interestingly, she believes being a parent has made her better at her job.

"A lot of people ask me if the effort [of balancing career and mothering] is worth it but I think being a parent has put a lot of balance in my life and that's been good for my career, too.

"I see women at work with no children and they never go home."

Scrymegeour says while he's looking forward to getting back to work to get his "head moving again" spending eight months at home with his daughter is the best thing he's ever done.

He neatly sums up the conflict many career parents feel: "I'd feel guilty asking my manager if I could do the same thing again, but the truth is I'd love to."