When a police officer shoots an unarmed black person -- most cops are good guys! When a person of dubious theology hits the news -- not all Christians think like that! When there's a case of violence against women -- not all men beat their wives!
No-one likes to be tarred with the same brush.
But, as US pastor Chris Chatelaine-Samsen wrote following the Isla Vista shooting, "when did it become normal to congratulate ourselves for not doing something horrific? When did it become appropriate to prioritise our reputations over others' wellbeing?"
One example of this was the Not All Men hashtag following Isla Vista and the misogynist manifesto shooter Elliot Rodger released as a motive. The hashtag went viral: surely not all men have that attitude?
But surely our collective reaction should be outrage that a man's belief women exist for his sexual gratification inspired a killing spree?
An example closer to home was the National Party taking pot-shots at David Cunliffe for saying he was "sorry for being a man", in response to our domestic violence statistics. A powerful man wishes to use his influence to curb a serious problem, only to be shamed and ridiculed by his opponents.
And, my friend's assertion that not all young men are like the Roastbusters. Which is fine -- but enough young men did behave that way, and lives were ruined as a result.
In distancing ourselves, we're trying to absolve our guilt. Avoid accusation, while we still stand close enough to be witness. Wash our hands of what we didn't contribute directly to.
Meanwhile, unarmed citizens are still shot down, women murdered by their partners and farm animals horribly mistreated.
It's high time we used our power to stand up for the oppressed, to challenge deplorable acts instead of claiming we are more enlightened than those people.
As Martin Luther King Jr said, "in the end, we remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends". Let's remember our friends and speak out.
